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1. |
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[Kyle] Let me tell you all a story that goes off the rails.
I was in a pet shop called “Tails and Fails”
I thought I’d walk out with a little goldfish
But then everything went slightly amiss
There was a cat inside that caught my eyes
It was cute, in its way, if you could look beneath the flies.
I brought her to the register. They said her name was Flo.
Then they said there was a thing I really oughtta know.
Before the clerk could even start to say another thing
I paid and ran ‘cause I am very bad at listening.
I sat little Flo upon the passenger seat
But soon the seat was gone. Is that what a cat eats?
I got to my house and Flo ate my door.
The fleas on her body were super hardcore.
They ganged up on me and they said “y’know
This house now belongs to a cat named Flo.”
[Chorus] A Cat Named Flo, A Cat Named Flo,
A Cat Named Flo, A Cat Named Flo,
A Cat Named Flo, A Cat Named Flo,
A Cat Named Flo, A kitty named Flo.
A Cat Named Flo, A Cat Named Flo,
A Cat Named Flo, A Cat Named Flo,
A Cat Named Flo, A Cat Named Flo,
A Cat Named Flo, A kitty named Flo.
Kyle: Now to bring you the second scene my Scooter Picnic brother Insane Ian!
[Ian] I was a tad concerned that the fleas began to talk
Then one pulled out a gun and said “now turn around and walk!”
The rest had grabbed my wallet and passed it on to Flo
Then next thing I knew I went out my window
As I sat there stunned in the middle of the road
I thought to call for Triple A but nothing needed towed
I’d call for the Police, but what could I say?
Besides the fact the fleas also took my phone away
As I brushed myself off to head back into my home
I heard a nasty sound and my heart sunk like a stone
It sounded like a weasel choking on an arcade token
Next thing I knew, I saw my house was smokin’
I opened up my door and cried at the disgrace
Flo and all her friends seemed happy in my place
My whole house was trashed, then I saw my trophy case
Twenty years of bowling memories just had been erased
[Chorus] A Cat Named Flo, A Cat Named Flo,
A Cat Named Flo, A Cat Named Flo,
A Cat Named Flo, A Cat Named Flo,
A Cat Named Flo, A kitty named Flo.
A Cat Named Flo, A Cat Named Flo,
A Cat Named Flo, A Cat Named Flo,
A Cat Named Flo, A Cat Named Flo,
A Cat Named Flo, A kitty named Flo.
Kyle: Bringing it in with chapter three Here’s a verse from the great Luke Ski!
[Luke] So for my final battle, made the weapon I would use:
A ball of roman candles. I ran in and lit the fuse.
I hollered "Cowabunga!" as I lobbed it at Flo's head,
but all the missiles missed her and blew up my house instead.
Dust and chunks of brick and wood and Flo showing her claws.
Tied up by the fleas who took me close to kitty's jaws.
But when I was an inch away it clearly could be seen,
She really twern’t a cat at all, she was a Wolverine.
And by that what I mean, it was Hugh Jackman in disguise.
He stood right up and I sat there befuddled with surprise.
He’s researching a role for a new movie out in May.
The fleas were featured extras making 60 bucks a day.
The film won all the Oscars and the fans stole my debris.
Just then I got this item in a package sent to me:
A garment reading “I survived a Cat Named Flo attack,
And all I got’s this t-shirt and a TV's Kyle track!”
[Chorus] A Cat Named Flo, A Cat Named Flo,
A Cat Named Flo, A Cat Named Flo,
A Cat Named Flo, A Cat Named Flo,
A Cat Named Flo, A kitty named Flo.
A Cat Named Flo, A Cat Named Flo,
A Cat Named Flo, A Cat Named Flo,
A Cat Named Flo, A Cat Named Flo,
A Cat Named Flo, A kitty named Flo.
A Cat Named Flo, A Cat Named Flo,
A Cat Named Flo, A Cat Named Flo,
A Cat Named Flo, A Cat Named Flo,
A Cat Named Flo, A kitty named Flo.
A Cat Named Flo, A Cat Named Flo,
A Cat Named Flo, A Cat Named Flo,
A Cat Named Flo, A Cat Named Flo,
A Cat Named Flo, A kitty named Flo.
[Kyle] ...Flo.
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3. |
Deadpool Bars
01:01
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4. |
June & Ren
01:55
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June. June and Ren
They are some of my hometown friends
Sew, they sew costumes
For masquerade, and convention cosplay
Long you live and prosper too
Cause that’s what Spock has said to do
And soon perform another show
On the stage or “radio”
Run, rabbit, run
Did I mention they have 3 buns
Conventions, they go for fun
Despite stereotypes, they also play in the sun
Long you live and tend your yard
But watch for accidents with cars
Your cross street makes dummies honk
Sorry this song took so long
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5. |
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There is this guy I met one day back in college
We were both involved in plays, at least to my knowledge
He’s a programmer by trade, he is such a smarty
Sentai and kaiju for days, we call that a party
But when not watching Ultraman
You’ll find him posting on the ‘gram!
Chorus (x2):
Mark Burger - Cat Photographer
Mark Burger - Cat Photographer
Mark Burger - Cat Photographer
He takes photos of his cats
Mark’s a real nice guy, it’s true, sometimes fosters cats
And I think he owns a Moog (might’ve mispronounced that)
So I’ve written him this tune, ‘cause he is the bomb
It took me just one afternoon, and he knows my mom
Chorus (x2)
Spoken: I came up with this title years ago, but now that I’ve finally written it, he only has, like, two sets of cat photos on his Instagram and now the whole concept is shot. Dang it.
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6. |
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If someone told me there was no more need for pants
It probably would be the only time you’d see me dance (yeah right)
You could have my trousers, take my britches, take my sweats
My pantaloons, my jeans, capris, and even better yet
‘Cause, oh, one thing I'm really hoping for
Is to never shop for slacks no more, and
Oh, Lord, please hear my whispered prayer tonight
I'll kick my legs high
With uncovered thighs
Won’t need to worry ‘bout waste size!
I'm never gonna wear pants again
I'm never gonna wear pants again
Oh, I just wanna feel the breeze on my nethers
Free up both of my legs
Never gonna wear pants again (oh)
P-P-P-P-P-Pants not gonna wear pants
P-P-P-P-P-Pants not wearin’ pants
I know this sounds just like a Boy Meets Robot song (Not Puttin’ On Pants)
Won’t need to tuck, (I’m) not Donald Duck, I’ll keep my undies on, yeah
If I could kill the thing constricting both my legs
I’d feel I’d won the lottery, so please don’t make me beg
The freedom that this pantslessness would bring (ooh wee ee oooh)
Is enough to crown me “Bare Leg King”, and
Oh no, don’t try to tell me this is wrong
I'll wear a sarong (I'll wear a sarong)
Or maybe a thong (or maybe a thong)
I’ll make sure I cover my dong
I'm never gonna wear pants again
I'm never gonna wear pants again
Oh, maybe I’ll wear kilts or fancy dresses
To hell with gender roles
Never gonna wear pants again (oh)
P-P-P-P-P-Pants not gonna wear pants
P-P-P-P-P-Pants not wearin’ pants
P-P-P-P-P-Pants not gonna wear pants
P-P-P-P-P-Pants
I'll kick my legs high
With uncovered thighs
C’mon now, just give it a try (why)
For women and men
Non-binary friends
We’ll never skip leg day again
I’ll never skip leg day again
I'm never gonna wear pants again
I'm never gonna wear pants again
Oh, you might wanna start to call me Vambre
From “Mighty Magiswords”
Never gonna wear pants again (hey, hey)
I'm never gonna wear pants again (never gonna wear pants again)
Pants again (but I’ll still cover up my rear end)
Pants again (never gonna wear pants again)
Pants again (but I’ll still cover up my rear end)
(Pants again) hey
Never gonna wear pants again
(Pants again)
(But I’ll still cover up my rear end) Cover it up
(Pants again) Never gonna wear pants again
(Pants again) (but I’ll still cover up my rear end) come on, come on
(I'm never gonna wear pants again)
(But I’ll still cover up my rear end) yeah, yeah
I'm never gonna wear pants again
But I’ll still cover up my rear end
…anyone else cold?
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7. |
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By trade I am a wordy comic pianist
In cabarets and theatres and so on,
Occasionally in concert halls and dive bars,
But seldom am I booked to play a con.
Conventions, shall we say, are not my usual.
I don’t get sci-fi nor much more besides.
Like why does fantasy have all those dragons?
And why do dice require more than six sides?
Regardless, I now find myself performing
For people whom one might describe as “nerds”.
Permit me to provide you some fan service...
Did I use that term right?
With a string of confused mismatched non-sequiturs!
Remember that time that Hulk and Groot
Picked up a green lamp and wore a bat suit?
That film with both The Flash and Thor?
I know my way around a comic book store!
Pandering to a bunch of nerds,
Pandering to a bunch of nerds.
What am I doing? (Pandering!)
Who are you? (A bunch of nerds!)
Remember that time that Bulbasaur
Destroyed Tokyo with a mighty roar?
Mothra and Pikachu had a cartoon,
I’ve seen it! It’s called Sailor Moon!
Pandering to a bunch of nerds,
Pandering to a bunch of nerds.
What am I doing? (Pandering!)
Who are you? (A bunch of nerds!)
Remember that time that Harry and Ron
Travelled to Salem with Bella Swan?
Edward Cullen is a quidditch player,
I know Buffy The Vampire Slayer!
Pandering to a bunch of nerds,
Pandering to a bunch of nerds.
Quo facio? Panderare!
Quis estis? (A bunch of nerds!)
Remember that time that Chewbacca
Used Vulcan mind meld on Lady Gaga?
Star Wars, Star Trek, A Star is Born,
Kris Kristofferson sang in Klingon!
much; ’etlh bochmoHwI’ rur,
much; ’etlh bochmoHwI’ rur.
qaStaH nuQ? (’etlh bochtaH!)
soH ’Iv? (’etlhmaj yIboch!)
Pandering to...
People who are into things I know all about!
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8. |
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Spring is here
A-suh-puh-ring is here
Life is skittles and life is beer
I think the loveliest time
Of the year is the spring
I do (US TOO) 'Course you do
But there's one thing
That makes spring complete for me
And makes every Sunday
A treat for me
All the world seems in tune
On a spring afternoon
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park
Every Sunday you'll see
My sweetheart and me
As we poison the pigeons in the park
When they see us coming
The birdies all try and hide
But they still go for peanuts
When coated with cyanide
The sun's shining bright
Everything seems all right
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park
We've gained notoriety
And caused much anxiety
In the Audubon Society
With our games
They call it impiety
And lack of propriety
And quite a variety
Of unpleasant names
But it's not against any religion
To want to dispose of a pigeon
So if Sunday you're free
Why don't you come with me
And we'll poison the pigeons in the park
And maybe we'll do
In a squirrel or two
While we're poisoning pigeons in the park
We'll murder them all
Amid laughter and merriment
Except for the few
We take home to experiment
My pulse will be quickenin'
With each drop of strychnine
We feed to a pigeon
(It just takes a smidgin!)
To poison a pigeon in the park
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10. |
She's Our Vlad
01:51
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Seahorses swim, and fairies gotta fly,
I gotta write this song before I die.
As Stacy, or Phyllis Stein
She’s never a punchline,
But to us, well,
She's our Vlad.
For Vlad, nothing’s bad, just lost in transition, er, translation
She’s a human timelord with just one regeneration.
Some find her quite risque
As Sweet Cherry Jubilee Flambe,
But she's our Vlad, she's our Vlad, she's our Vlad,
And we love her.
It’s Vlad the people cheer for,
Vlad there is no peer for,
It’s Vlad you wear headgear for,
Vlad the queens are queer for,
It’s Vlad I started beer for
And Vlad this song premieres for thee.
So though for breakfast she makes coffee then adds some champagne,
To sing a song about her, some find it quite arcane
She might be a hypocrite,
Then again I’m full of...shaving cream,
But, oh well, what the hell,
She's our Vlad,
And we love her.
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11. |
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12. |
Solution: BANJO!
01:35
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Well life is mighty fine when you’re living on a farm
Got plenty things to do, won’t bring anybody harm
But if you’re ever stuck, this’ll work just like a charm
As long as this here thing’s within reaching of your arm
See, I have found a tool that’ll solve any problem
Even if it doesn’t make sense it’ll solve them
Just pick it up and your worries will dissolve then
Kinda like a swiss army knife, but with one end
Gotta chop some wood? USE A BANJO!
Picking apples’ good WITH A BANJO!
Need to shave a sheep? USE A BANJO!
Can’t get to sleep? USE A BANJO!
For everything that you need to accomplish
Well, I have got a tool that’ll keep your work honest
Just when you think you can’t conquer your workflow
If you’ve got a problem? The solution is: BANJO!
Time to milk the udders? USE A BANJO!
Time to churn the butter? USE A BANJO!
Don’t know where your ax is? USE A BANJO!
Gotta do your taxes? USE A BANJO!
For home security USE A BANJO!
As a form of currency USE A BANJO!
When your field needs a plow USE A BANJO!
Against a GroundHogCow USE A FEATHER PLUCKN BANJO!
For everything that you need to accomplish
This feather pluckn banjo will get you through your job quick
If you’ve got a problem, well this banjo will solve it
Now check out this hook while the banjo revolves it!
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13. |
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[Insane Ian]
A hungry, hungry boy
His wife wants him to watch what he eats
She'd kick him out if he ever dared to cheat
Upon his (ding) diet eatin’ sweets
Messy, messy boy
Likes KFC, and sometimes Dairy Queen
I hear them whisp’rin’ 'bout the restaurants that he’s been
And how he don't know how to keep his fingers clean
Mummy don't know daddy's getting slop
At the candy shop, eating something unhealthy
Sneaks out for a Big Mac attack, and he’s hiding snacks
And he thinks he’s bein’ stealthy
Oh-ee-oh-ee-oh, he gotta big bag of
Or-ee-oh-ee-ohs, that he just hid and
Mummy don't know that his diet’s shot
Hope he don’t get caught, eating something unhealthy
[Twill]
Mmm, daddy, daddy, if you want it, use the app-y (yuh)
Get you nugs, get you fries, my Burger King crown daddy
You gon' need to order up, 'cause even in a blizzard (woo)
You won’t have to pick it up, you can have it all delivered
And you, you’ll get some Panda, get a dozen Dunkin’ Donuts (ah)
You’re in the drive thru 'cause you always get McDonald’s
And when you want it, baby, you know we got you covered
DoorDash can be discreet, won’t even ring the buzzer
[Insane Ian]
Mummy don't know daddy's getting treats
Brought by UberEats, sneakin' somethin' unhealthy
His bank account covers all the fees, of deliveries
Yeah, he’s gotta be wealthy
[Both]
Oh-ee-oh-ee-oh, he bought his last snack of
Or-ee-oh-ee-ohs, with his last paycheck
Mummy don't know daddy's going broke
On pizza and Coke, hidin' both is unhealthy
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14. |
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You gotta go get vaccinated
Stuck in a pandemic
‘Cause of a spreading disease
It’d be over if you just wear a mask, you dork
Stopping illness with the greatest of ease
But I’ve made appointments at a campus locale
I’m gonna get my shots and then it's all over pal
As long as you get yours & the others do too
So don’t you screw it up, screw it up, screw it up, screw it up
Hey don’t you trust Dr Fauci?
Take the shot
You gotta go get vaccinated
Hey don’t talk anti-vaxx to me!
Get your shot
You gotta go get vaccinated
Hey so if you please
Get your damn shots so I can go to the movies
Hey it’s vaccine day!
By the time you hear the side effects
It's already too late
One grows more nipples and one loses hair
One guy’s on fire and another inflates
They’re all making claims about their own government
No one's getting smarter, they’re all stirring dissent
The never-ending spree of these fake conspiracies
You won’t spawn some nanobots, spawn some nanobots, spawn some nano
Hey you say you think they’re tracking me?
Take the shot
You gotta go get vaccinated
Hey did they inject me with 5G?
Get the shot
You gotta go get vaccinated
Hey don't be surprised
If after the shot you don’t have lasers for your eyes
Hey it’s vaccine day!
You think that they’ll track you using government drones
But then you tweet about it right there from your iPhone
You’ll never get to see your extended family
Unless you get your Fauci ouchie, get your Fauci ouchie, get your ouchie
Hey man you think it’s hard to breathe?
Take the shot
You gotta go get vaccinated
Hey man you think I am a sheep?
Get your shot
You gotta go get vaccinated
Hey and when it’s done
They’ll give you a sticker or a sucker just for fun
Hey it’s vaccine day!
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15. |
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16. |
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Insane Ian Chicago, Illinois
Insane (adj): shocking, outrageous
"Insane Ian is a Comedy Rock God" - Dr
Demento
“If you like video games and hiphop and you don't listen to Insane Ian...You're. Missing. Out.” - Mikey Mason (on The Funny Music Podcast)
"...the guy who's an even-geekier heir to the Weird Al throne..." - Jay Hathaway (URLesque)
Comedy music and Nerdcore Hiphop, as heard on TheFuMP.com and the Dr Demento Show.
... more
Insane Ian recommends:
Scooter Picnic is TV's Kyle & Insane Ian doing a nerdcore thing. Featuring the 14 1/2 tracks they did during 2012's February Album Writing Month (FAWM) plus more! 26 tracks total!
go to album
TV's Kyle is an animator and comedy musician, as well as a good friend and frequent collaborator of Insane Ian. BUY HIS FUNNY STUFF!
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Twenty-Six and a Half
by Various Artists
"Twenty Six and a Half: A Tribute to 'Weird Al' Yankovic", features 20 tracks from artists such as MC Frontalot, Shael Riley, the great Luke Ski, MC Lars, Marc with a C, Devo Spice and Insane Ian!
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Herp Derp Ya Don't Sterp
by Devo Spice
supported by 12 fans who also own “Smarm-Proof Lobster Cabinet”
This describes the American dream pretty well!
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supported by 11 fans who also own “Smarm-Proof Lobster Cabinet”
Awesome track! I also love the "tribute" at the end to that old D&D audio, genius! This is going to be the opener for the next session for my group.
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Speakeasy - Live 2016
by John Robins
Robins decided to release the recording of his 2016 comedy tour during the Covid-19 shutdown at the behest of fans.
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