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2. |
Alphabetically Yours
03:31
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1)
Rejected Again
First my publisher, then my girlfriend
When will this end?
Been on this cycle since 2010
I can't tell which is worse, bein' single or bein' broke?
My life's a joke.
So uninspired.
It's hard to write when from life you're fired
Oh God, I'm tired
Do I want success or to be desired?
I dunno who wrote the Book of Love, but I wish I had the publishing rights
Why can't I write?
(Chorus 1)
Oh God, what's in store for me?
What will be Zach's life story?
Am I destined to be
Alphabetically
Yours?
Can't I just cling desperately
To being young and so horny
Just spell it out for me
Alphabetically
Yours
2)
A is for the way
I'm Amazed I can't think of what to say
B is for the block
I'm experiencing, but that's really no shock
And we know that C, D, E means I Can't Do Enough
Oh man it's rough (F this)
I need a G
Not just Glory, but G as in a ton of money
Oh what the H-
E-double hockey sticks, I need a Honey, too!
I can't seem to concentrate, need to make up my mind: write or go on a date
How cruel is fate?
(Chorus 2)
Oh God, what's in store for me?
What will be my life's story
Am I destined to be
Alphabetically
Yours?
Will I just pathetically
Repeat ancient history?
This always happens to me
Alphabetically
Yours
(Bridge)
Since the dawn of time
My fate was never mine
My significant others dictated
How I lived but now I'm liberated
From Alyson, Britney, Cassie, Danielle,
Emily, Faith, and Ginger as well
Heather, Iris, Jasmie, and Kristin
Linda, Michelle, Nicole's always bitchin'
Olivia, Phoebe, Rachel, Samantha,
Shannon and Stacey, Siobahn and then Sandra,
Sara, Stephanie, Sabrina, and Sharon and
Sofia and...geez, that's a lot of S's.
I dated my way through the whole alphabet
It's about time my name came first in the set!
(Chorus 3)
I know what's in store for me
I'll rewrite my love story
I know I'm destined to be
Alphabetically
Yours
I control my destiny
Don't need no one cause I've got me!
It's time the letter Z
was
Alphabetically
Alphabetically
I control my destiny
I'll rewrite my love story
It's time the letter Z
was
Alphabetically
Yours
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4. |
Closure
03:06
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[1]
Can’t clear the cobwebs in my mind
Can’t shake the fear I’ve left behind
Something so wonderful that I’ll never get it back
Keep thinking how my love left me
Why won’t these feelings let me be?
Maybe I should talk with her to get my life on track
[Chorus]
I need some closure
To find out just what I‘d done wrong
I need some closure
We hadn’t even dated very long
Can’t we go back to how things were?
When she was with me and I was with her?
Give me some closure
So I can close the book on this
[2]
Call her up? How is this the plan?
Pretty sure we’re on a speaking ban
Maybe I should send a text and see how that works out
No, that’s lame. That’ll never work.
Can’t you see? You’re acting like a jerk!
Better to be thought a fool, than remove all doubt!
[Chorus]
But I need closure
Gonna give her a piece of my mind
I need some closure
Just as soon as I locate my spine
Why’d we break up? I’m not even sure.
‘Cause the way she left me is kind of a blur.
Give me some closure
So I can close the book on this
[Bridge – Spoken]
Hello, Nicole? It’ me, Zach.
(pause)
No, I know. I just…well, I was wondering…
What happened to us? Things seemed to be going great, then
All of a sudden you just…
(pause)
Uh huh. Oh.
(pause)
Oh. Oh really? Well…I see.
Alright, well…that explains a lot, actually.
(pause)
That many times already? No, I don’t think that’s a record, but yes, that is more than we did.
(pause)
No, you can keep that manuscript. They rejected it anyway.
(pause)
I’m very happy that it props up your wobbily table perfectly. Yes, you’re welcome.
(pause)
You too.
[Chorus]
I got my closure!
Even though it didn’t go as planned
I got my closure
I may be dumped but now I understand
That we’ll never go back to how things were
When she was with me and I was with her
‘Cause now she’s with Steve, and Steve’s now with her
And Steve used to be her bosses Chauffer
But Steve’s just a bit of an entrepreneur
So he’s much more able to provide for her
Than some guy who writes sci-fi lit’rature
So now that I fin’ly got my closure
Now I can close the book on this!
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5. |
Denouement
02:16
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We open
on our first page
Introduction
Now reality can disengage
The prologue
to our epic tale
Exposition
A hero bold, of course, he’s male!
A princess
Is trapped inside the dragon’s cave
The climax
The girl is saved, the hero’s brave!
That’s a little too cliché
and there’s not enough heart
The audience can’t be sure that he’ll win from the start
If we re-write
every ending in life
try not to wrap it up too neat
We’ll leave them on the edge of their seat
Maybe the dark cave
Is a pirate ship?
Maybe it’s haunted?
Or his sword’s just a big Q-tip?
The princess
secretly is a witch
who’s planning to smite our
heroic yet-unknowing pro-tagonist
Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about!
We’re fin’ly getting somewhere
Never take the audience for granted,
Try as they may, they’ll never be prepared
As we re-write
Every ending in life
We’ll never leave them bored
We’ll leave them begging for more!
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6. |
Extra
02:53
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I could never be a leading man
‘Cause I’m not hand
Some enough
Or the killer in a horror flick
‘Cause ironic
-ly, i’m too handsome for that
I can’t be an action hero
Unless they started taking spindly arms
And I could never be in porn because
I don’t wanna work that HARD
But I can be an extra (I’m living the dream)
Extra (who needs dignity)
When your main cast is all in place
But you need an out of focus face
Hey man, I get ya
I can be your extra
Audiences don’t know I exist
I won’t make the list
At red carpets
Crawl of credits, I can not be found
But mom was proud
When she saw me
Pocket food from the craft service
It’s not like these people eat
And my studio apartment rent is due
So it’s gotta last all week
Because I am an extra (when’s the set call?)
Extra (who needs dialogue?)
When your big star is on the screen
But you need some scenery that breathes
I can, I betcha
I’ll be your extra
If Ms. Smith from Drama Club
Could only see me now
She’d see I’m mag-ni-fique at invisible
Invisible
Extra (Look out Hollywood)
Extra (I’m the God of Wood)
When movie magic’s in the air
And you need someone just standing there
I am the mega
I can be your extra
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11. |
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[Verse 1]
I have a new best friend, and his name is Ron
Ron’s my new best friend, and he is so tall
He can shoot lightning from his hands and eyes
Beat up all the guys that are both’ring me
And my friend is strong, he can throw a car
But don’t throw a car, cause you’ll hurt someone
Unless that someone is being very mean
Ron says follow me but won’t say where we’re going
[Chorus 1]
Over There With Electric Ron
He’s the guy with the jumpsuit on
He’ll use his powers to defend your mom
Fighting evil ‘til the break of dawn
[Verse 2]
Ron’s the kind of guy who will eat ice cream
For a real long time and his brain won’t freeze
Ron will help you out if your car is dead
Attach it to his head and he’ll sneeze lightning
Once Ron saw a guy and punched him really hard
He hit him so darn hard that the guy explodes!
I mean I wasn’t there, but that’s what Ron said
Ron once asked me if I might sell my bones
[Chorus 2]
Over There With Electric Ron
Not much for brains but has all the brawn
His nemesis is an actual swan
That stole his lunch from the park’s new lawn
[Bridge]
We (we, we) don’t even call him that name (nobody calls him Electric Ron)
He (he, he) just sorta kinda shows up (he was over there, he’s Electric Ron)
I (I, I) don’t even know where he’s from (he’s from over there, he’s Electric Ron)
But I always see him outside the convenience store
[Chorus 3]
Over There with Electric Ron
There’s an officer with his weapon drawn
He says Ron escaped and he’s breaking the law
Now he’s in the cruiser with some handcuffs on
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[Peter Parker (Devo Spice)]:
Aw yeah, that's my jam, I mean literally my jam
Try and keep up because you gotta know who I am
Peter Parker, with Mary Jane beside her man
I am the one-and-only Spider-Man
I climb walls, shoot webs, great strength and agility
And with great power comes blah blah blah
My ability to cling to walls and then swing
Means I'm shootin' out webs like silly string
I got a theme song, t-shirt, cartoon, and toys
And a breakfast cereal that nobody enjoys
And a third nipple, at least according to my wiki
Don't mind fighting crime but my hands are always sticky
So Kingpin lost his whole family what a pity
But the thing he built could destroy the whole city
Hate to be a party pooper but we gotta stop the threat
Take this goober, and I'm dead
[Miles Morales (Creative Mind Frame (AKA 1-UP))]:
When I'm done you'll wanna cop this... put em up
Miles morales here (heh) that's what's up
Young kid but a brainiac a maniac
For anything my uncle would do, but he's a shady cat
And that's another act back to my story line
I packed no punches and that's being blunt kid
Itty bitty spider bite that's what made it story time
That's so nuts now I lack no function
You're telling me that I'm a new Spider-Man
Gone from no skills to doing anything a fighter can
First the multiverse gets shattered... broken jars
Now a bunch a spideys slinging round... broken arms
Don't doubt me cas I'm never giving up
Steph Curry on a dunk sometimes I'm trippin up
Steady on my grind enemies I'm rippin up,
No spoilers here so that's enough
[Peter B. Parker (Insane Ian)]:
Hi I'm Pete, It's sure nice to meet ya
I fight supervillains (when I'm not eating pizza)
I'm just like that last guy, tho my hair is much darker
My driver's license says my name's Peter B. Parker
Tho starker in contrast, we're really quite alike
My guts a little larger but of the two, well, I'm alive
But if a girl gets kidnapped and she's thrown inside a van
Well I'm another friendly neighborhood Spider-Man!
Thought I was alone (not just cause MJ left me)
Struggled through a portal (cause I might be kinda hefty)
Landed in this city, met this little kiddie
He was bitten by a spider like the one that went and bit me
Now I'm a mentor, teach this kid the ropes
On how to be a hero and to give people hope
Responsibility & Power, and before you have to ask
Always wash your suit and never sneeze inside the mask
[Gwen Stacy (Bonnie Gordon)]:
Hey guys, it's Gwen, and I have been
Living as the one and only Spider-Woman
Bit by a spider and I might've got here first
And I'm from another, another universe
I don't do friends, got two or three styles
And I'm not helping you through puberty, Miles
You were a big help and I'm glad you were there but
No, you don't get to like my haircut
I've been protecting my version of New York
Without ever expecting any help for the work
Now lots of spider people are infesting these nights
Of all of you I look best in these tights
But still, it's nice that support has appeared
'Cause this whole experience has been royally weird
But if I'm not mistaken, there's more for us to see
And do I smell bacon? [Spider-Ham (TV's Kyle)]: That would be me
[Spider-Ham (TV's Kyle)]:
You're not hallucinatin', Gwen, you know who I am!
I'm your friendly neighborhood Spider-Ham
Where's Ducktor Doom? I'll give him a tackle!
And then I'll take a selfie for J. Jonah Jackal
Got a hospital and a horse got loose?
Call Peter Porker. I'll Chuck Jones his caboose!
I'll frolic and I'll dance and I'll do this with my pants
and I'll whack him on the snoot! Man, he'll never stand a chance
I got a big hammer and you know I'm gonna club ya
My Marvel Tails will make you go "What The?!"
Kingpin and Liv, man, who the heck is that?
Reminds me of KingPig and Dr Octopussycat
I've heard folks have been shipping me and Noir.
Just pray Mary Jane Waterbuffalo don't know who you are
In Gwen's subconscious, you could say that I steered her
Does that sound weird? It CAN get weirder
[Peni Parker (LEX the Lexicon Artist)]:
This is my spider, I'm Peni P, we are
A dynamic duo, call me SP//dr
I might be kawaii but that don't mean that I'm weak
Because I pack a streak of genius in my teeny physique
See I pilot this machine with my psychic connection
We scale the highest ceilings like the guys in Inception
Protecting New York City from malevolent creatures
And we're messing with their systems like professional griefers
My father left to join the Black Parade
Now it's up to me to carry on the masquerade
I have to say, my mech suit is better than Tony's
It can send you to your death with twenty seven emojis, homie
So don't be stunting cause I'm small and I'm cute
I crawl in the suit, all of a sudden I'm taller than you
That's all that I do, a supercomputer not a shooter of webs
Here from the future to save you losers or you would be dead
[Spider-Man Noir (the great Luke Ski)]:
The wind follows me, it smells like rain.
SURPRIZE ATTACK! You mugs will feel my pain.
Uncle Benjamin was eaten by Vulture. So gory,
But it makes a good hard-core origin story.
I'm Spider-Noir, the color thing is new to me,
Unlike egg creams and moral ambiguity.
Wrong or right? I don't know what to say!
Am I black or white, or 50 shades of grey?
You wanna dance in a biscuit box session?
I'll crash you harder than the Great Depression!
I'm trying a fedora. Future fashion is wild,
But punching a Nazi is never out of style.
Just like 6 bullets in a snub .45,
We're Web Warriors, takin' nobody's jive.
Out of all of the fellas, I cause the most fright,
'Cuz I am the terror that THWIPS in the night!
[Spider-Ham (TV's Kyle)]:
Is he allowed to say that? Legally?
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16. |
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You better watch out
You better watch out
You better watch out
You better watch out
You had better watch the *beep* out
He’s making a list
He’s making a list
He’s making a list
He’s making a list
Santa Claus is making a list
He sees you when you’re sleeping
He knows when you’re asleep
He sees you when you’re sleeping
And he knows when you’re asleep
He’s checking it once
He’s checking it twice
He’s checking it thrice
He’s checking it...fourfs
Santa Claus is checking it fifes
With rooty toot toots
and rummy tum tums
Rooty toot toots
and rummy tum tums
Rooty tooty fresh and fruity
He knows when you are sleeping
He smells when you’re awake
He tastes when you’ve been bad or good
So be good for goodness taste
He’s making a list
He’s listing a list
Listy list list
Listing make list
Santa Claus is listing to port
Carry Mistmas
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17. |
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"Zoom Meeting" by Devo Spice
Featuring the great Luke Ski and Insane Ian
Lyrics, music: T. Rockwell, L. Carrozza
Vocals: T. Rockwell, L. Sienkowski, I. Bonds
All I wanna do is Zoom-a-Zoom Zoom Zoom from my spare room
Just work from home!
(chorus)
All I wanna do is Zoom-a-Zoom Zoom Zoom from my spare room
Just work from home! (repeat 4 times)
(checks)
Check, maybe, check, maybe, one, two, three, four
Check, maybe, check, am I coming through OK?
Check, maybe, check, can you guys see me?
Check, maybe, check, OK
(verse 1 Devo Spice)
It's called a Zoom meeting, it's needed when you're working remotely
I'm feeling lonely, and this software is the only
Connection I have to my team back in the office
Six meetings by noon, I think I'm never getting off this
Turn on the camera so they see my face
But never will they ever see a thing below the waist
Now since I got the background to appear, can you guess
Where I am? Here's a hint, it's got a long park tram
Pass control so you can try to make your point
Again, but when you share your screen I'm seeing dirty pics of men
But now I should mute my mic as I start eating
So they don't hear me eat my lunch on a Zoom meeting
(chorus)
All I wanna do is Zoom-a-Zoom Zoom Zoom from my spare room (first time with mouth full)
Just eat your lunch! (repeat 4 times)
(checks)
Check, maybe, check, maybe, one, two, three, four
(I: Yiggity yes)
Check, maybe, Ian, are you on?
(I: Yup yup)
Ian I can see you but I don't hear anything
(I: Yup yup)
Check, maybe, check, OK
(verse 2 - Insane Ian)
Yup yup, it's working, certain 'cause with Zoom I'm an artist
Virtual background got me inside the TARDIS
What I need with these responsibilities that I'm shirking
Is a virtual foreground so it looks like I'm working
This meeting is boring to the core of my being
But doing it in my underwear is quite freeing
Not mean to cut you off, not mean to interrupt
But yup, there's a lag, and it keeps popping up
I like the way you... no you go
(DS: Do you think that... oh go ahead)
I like the way you... go ahead
(DS: Do you think that... sorry, you go)
I just wanted to say... ugh!
(DS: I was gonna say that... no you go)
(spoken): I'm glad I didn't get out of bed for this
(chorus)
All I wanna do is Zoom-a-Zoom Zoom Zoom from my bedroom
It's such a dump! (repeat 4 times)
(verse 3 - the great Luke Ski)
Take it, take it, take it, now take it
I can take every Zoom meeting buck naked
Bandwidth is bad 'cause Netflix is streaming
Won't turn off my mic so you'll hear my kid screaming
I didn't shave my face (shave it!) I didn't cut my hair
My uncle's walking 'round in his ratty underwear
Come on, pass the controls so I can stream
Share it, baby, share it, baby, share my new meme
I can hack into another room, (room!) and make
A fake name, boom! Ralph Kramden with the Bang-Zoom! (ooooohhh)
The way I'm making it mine is just a sign
That I'm a troll with a whole lot of time
But I ain't in this meeting, just harassing
And I ain't turning off my camera when I'm in the bathroom
DS: No, no no. No! No-NO NO!!
Yeah, watch it, baby, watch it baby, watch it like that!
II: Aww, stop it, dude, stop it, oh God, shut it off!
DS: Ahh! Dammit, someone ban him! Please ban him right now!
(chorus)
All I wanna do is Zoom-a-Zoom Zoom Zoom from my bathroom
Just take a dump! (repeat 4 times)
(spoken outro)
LS: I heard Zoom sends all your data to China.
DS: Free Taiwan! There. Now they won't.
II: OK, I gotta jump off. I got a ten o'clock.
DS: OK. My dog needs to go out anyway.
LS: I heard the President's having a meeting with the Joint Chiefs. I'm gonna try to crash it.
DS: OK, good luck!
II: Talk to you later.
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Insane Ian Chicago, Illinois
Insane (adj): shocking, outrageous
"Insane Ian is a Comedy Rock God" - Dr
Demento
“If you like video games and hiphop and you don't listen to Insane Ian...You're. Missing. Out.” - Mikey Mason (on The Funny Music Podcast)
"...the guy who's an even-geekier heir to the Weird Al throne..." - Jay Hathaway (URLesque)
Comedy music and Nerdcore Hiphop, as heard on TheFuMP.com and the Dr Demento Show.
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