We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Songs For Superheroes

by Insane Ian

/
1.
Super-Powers 03:03
If you were a super hero, what would your powers be? Would you have great strength or move at really fast speeds? Or would folks run & hide when you got angry? 'Cause with any great power comes responsibility There's so many heroes in the world at large you need a score card just to tell 'em apart Like which one's a member of the new X-Men or who's backstory just got retconned again? Do your parents have to die in some horrible fashion? Or get radiation without an allergic reaction? Will you get signed up for some government program, Will your new hero name simply end with "man"? Will you lose one sense but have the other ones heightened? or chose a symbol to wear to keep your enemies frightened? Will you have heat vision or the power of flight? Doesn't matter, just as long as you look good in tights! Chorus: Jump Up! Up, up and away Steal the sun and save it for a rainy day. Your foes will scream and cower 'cause they're no match for your super powers! So like any comic fan I have always fantasized 'bout the powers I could use in my war on crime I could stare at traffic lights until they turn to green or use the power of my mind to finally stop Charlie Sheen I wanna use telepathy to move that boulder away but it only works if it's made out of paper mache I could make an ounce of ketchup every time that I sneezed or simply think about milk and it would turn into cheese You know what super power could really be fun? If whatever you looked at flew right into the sun Make a guy from the KKK suddenly black or impregnate any girl by eye contact You could have any power! Whatever you wish! Except Aquamans, who wants to talk to fish? Encase your enemies in a giant booger. Don't make me angry, I'll excrete powdered sugar. Chorus Jump Up! Up, up and away Steal the sun and save it for a rainy day. Your foes will scream and cower 'cause they're no match for your super powers! So when I say "Super", you say "Powers" Super! (Powers!) Super! (Powers!) Now when I say super, you say powers Super! (Powers!) Super! (Powers!) So now that I've got the powers, do you know what comes in next? With every comic action comes some comic sound effects Like a "boff" or a "pow" or a "thwacK" will do the trick Maybe a "Bamf" or a "Thwip" or possibly a "Snikt!" I'll have a secret lair hidden underneath my homes Or Adamantium grafted onto my bones I'll have a huge cape made from a lion's pelt or some extra Batarangs in my utility belt When you need my help, shine my signal in the sky! Or call the super secret Mayor's office line I'll have to be careful around every enemy Don't want them to learn my secret identity 'cause they might take a shot at the ones I love the most It's hard to fight crime when your sidekick is toast (But) No one ever stays dead. They'll all live again! Unless you're Batman's parents, or your name is Uncle Ben Chrous Jump Up! Up, up and away Steal the sun and save it for a rainy day. Your foes will scream and cower 'cause they're no match for your super powers! So when I say "Super", you say "Powers" Super! (Powers!) Super! (Powers!) Now when I say super, you say powers Super! (Powers!) Super! (Powers!) Jump Up! Up, up and away Steal the sun and save it for a rainy day. Your foes will scream and cower 'cause they're no match for your super powers!
2.
Spider-Ham 02:16
Homer Simpson: Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig, does whatever a...huh? Oohh! He's not Spider-Pig anymore...he's Spider-HAM! II: Spider-Ham, Spider-Ham Peter Porker, Spider-Ham He's part pig and part bug Catches thieves while in the mud Look out, here comes the Spider-Ham Is he strong? Is he big? He's an anthropomorphic pig. Catches truffles with a thread Favorite movie is "Charlotte's Web" Hey, there! There goes the Spider-Ham In a lab late at night, a spider's bitten by a swine While that doesn't seem right, He survives to fight crime Spider-Ham, Spider-Ham Take out the middle and you're left with "Spam" Saves the city of New York He's not kosher 'cause he's pork Look out, here comes the Spider-Ham Look out! Go piggie! Oi(nk)! (x24) Captain Americat helps send villains to their room The King-Pig sure hates that, as does ol' Ducktor Doom! Spider-Ham, Spider-Ham Friendly neighborhood Spider-Ham Each comic is full of fun And even more piggy puns Bad guys, whatever they are takin' He's gonna fry their bacon You'll find the Spider-Ham! ©2012 Idolize W.A.Y. Music/Ian Bonds
3.
Young Hal Jordan was a simple test pilot No matter what it was, he knew how to fly it when one strange night he saw a light in the sky and met an alien who was about to die He was the protector of sector 2814 and he needed Hal to take his place in the corps Green Lanterns protect every species and race they're something kind of like the Police, but in space They use their power ring to enforce pure justice like when you're terrorized by a sentient fungus It ain't easy being green, but Hal knows the score Their sheer power of will is what makes them Hard Corps Chorus: In Brightest day, In Blackest Night No Evil Shall Escape My Sight To Those That Worship Evil's Might Beware My Power, Green Lantern's Light! So Hal joins their ranks, their first human recruit and with the power of his mind he puts on his super suit the ring can construct anything from your mind it's like having some jewelry that can make CGi it can make a giant fist to bitch slap the bad guys or a giant sledge hammer to smash 'em down to size in fact nothing is small, I can't think of one thing it's like he might be trying to compensate for something So Hal flies around but he's a bit of a tool but the ladies who drool could fill up a Dead Pool Carol Ferris seems to think Hal is such a smooth talker but her leaked cell phone pics could make him a Nightstalker Chorus Now Hal's not the only member of the Corps there's 3200 others, maybe more like Killowag, who's brute strength is so great or that guy who kind of looks like a fish without bait Sinestro teaches Hal to suppress his fear But to his own words Sinestro should adhere Green is for willpower, so strong and mellow But the color of fear is dark and yellow So despite all his strength and all of his powers He's a hero that's killed By Golden Showers? Chorus
4.
Ant-Man 02:37
"Ant-Man" Parody of Taxman by The Beatles (George Harrison) New lyrics by Ian Bonds Hello My name is Henry Pym I command bugs to do my whim 'Cause I'm the Ant Man yeah, I'm the Ant Man Some heroes names are animals But I named my own particles 'Cause I'm the Ant Man yeah, I'm the Ant Man (The Ah-Ven-Gers-Gers) they are my crew (When I get Drunk-Drunk) it makes me rude (Pym Part-i-cles-cles) make me tiny, dude (During your pin-nic-nic) I won't steal your food ANT-MAN! Tho smallness might hurt my image (Ant-Man, you're so tiny) (I) don't wor-ry about shrinkage (Ant-man, oh grow up!) 'Cause I'm the Ant Man Yeah, I'm the Ant Man I am the one villains will fear (ANT MAN!) Though some Bug Spray will wreck my year (ANT MAN!) I'm just the Ant Man Yeah, I'm the Ant Man And you just can't see me at all (ANT MAN!)
5.
Über Shrug 03:21
Uber Shrug was a superhero of mild indifference Last I heard, he killed the dodo bird But we haven't heard from him since I remember that he wouldn't stop a bank robbery Unless the robber was blocking his line If you can hear our pleas, come help us please But we don't really expect a reply This is a song for Uber Shrug, the greatest under appreciated superhero Some say that he could fly But we'll never know if he never shows His spandex was tight; could eat three meals in one bite So won't you bring back the disguise, yeah it's alright Uber Shrug was Japanese; he wrestled bears in the nude He liked anime and mayonnaise And he wore bright orange shoes Some say he's the savior we need, and others might disagree But who can argue at a time like this You might think that he's rude, but show me some other dude Who sends you flying with a flick of the wrist This is a song for Uber Shrug, the greatest and most awesome underrated superhero Some say that he was shy He could lift a truck and turn into a duck He could regenerate limbs, didn't have to pay his taxes But now he's gone and no one cries, but it's alright This is a song for Uber Shrug, the world's most freaking awesome undervalued superhero Some say that he couldn't die He could drink anti-freeze, beat Ninja Gaiden with ease He never once cursed, he tanned with a gamma burst And I for one thought he was fly, but it's alright
6.
Batman 02:49
[Verse 1] If I was the Batman, I’d never let you go I would save the day and be everyone's hero My secret identity no one would ever know Put a stop to Mr. Freeze before he makes it snow (Bat, Bat, Man) on you Put him in Arkham where I sent the Riddler too I don't know about Penguin, maybe put him in the zoo So say hello to the Joker in three, two, Bat [Pre-Chorus] I’d like to shoot a grappling hook Hey girl, let me rescue you [Chorus] If I was the Batman, never let you go I'd Keep you from harm girl, you’d never be alone I would join the Justice League, keep the planet safe If I was the Batman, I’d never let you fall, I’d never let you fall [Verse 2] I would be the Batman of our own Gotham City You could be Catwoman, have nine lives like a kitty What you think about that, yeah, well that's just a pity Girl don't be mad, yeah, your attitude is...crappy Sidekick, sidekick, how about my sidekick? You could be my sidekick and do a nice high kick Make you fight all the goons, hit their faces like a brick You're a girl like Barbara, not a boy like Dick Robin [Pre-Chorus] I’d like to save everyone at once Hey girl, don't get blown up [Chorus] If I was the Batman, I'd travel round the world Learn the samurai skills, train with Ra's Al Gul I can take out Superman, with a Krypton ring If I was the Batman, I’d never let you fall, I’d never let you fall [Bridge] With my batarangs, and utility belt, girl Spend a mint on my toys, you know they're so wonderful If I was Batman (If I was Batman), I'd watch for your signal, girl I just want to drive that Batmobile! [Chorus] If I was the Batman (Batman), never let you fall I'd Keep you from harm girl, I would scale your wall (scale your wall) I can be a detective (detective), solving every crime If I was the Batman (Batman), I’d never let you go, never let you go Na na na, na na na, na na na Yeah girl Na-na na-na, na-na na-na, na-na na-na ey Batman Na-na na-na, na-na na-na, na-na na-na ey Na-na na-na, na-na na-na, na-na na-na ey If I was the Batman
7.
Well we know of the adventures of New York's own Avengers and all of their heroic daring do But go tell old Lyndon Johnson 'bout the heroes from Wisconsin and all the crazy things they get into They're the Great Lakes Avengers! Not just some pretenders Fighting for what's right in the Midwest! Great Lakes Avengers! None can match their splendor! They're the hero team that we like best! Well they may not be well known But they call the Great Lakes home Protecting Midwest folks from state to state! Tell the villains "run and pray 'cause here comes the GLA!" Even though their fighting skill is not that great... GREAT LAKES AVENGERS, ASSEMBLE! Announcer: Flatman! He's the 2D Avenger Mr. Immortal! Death is his next adventure Doorman! Teleports you right next door! Big Bertha! Call her fat and you'll be sore! Tippy Toe! She's just a small squirrel Squirrel Girl! It's the squirrel's nuts she hurls! These are the members of the Great Lakes Avengers Strangest Superheroes of all time! Great Lakes Avenegers They don't wear suspenders But that's all we thought of that would rhyme! Announcer: *Not officially endorsed by The Avengers.
8.
The Misadventures of Dave Script by Austin Aeschliman Dave- Austin Aeschliman Johnny- Patrick White Narrator- Grant Baciocco Chief- Devo Spice Badguyman- Insane Ian Montage vocals- Dino-Mike Introduction- TV's Kyle Intro Talking Guy: It’s time for everyone’s favorite shh---, well it’s what you listen to when nothing good is on TV. The Misadventures of Dave, brought to you by SmashyClaw.com ACT I: The Part Where It Begins and the Audience is Introduced to the Characters Maybe Narrator: This is the story of a guy, a guy named Dave, yep just Dave. A lazy everyday American who is often found sitting on his couch in his underwear eating cheap potato chips and playing Pong. One day Dave got off of his couch to get some snacks, as he walked down the street people passing by stared in absolute ah of the bed sours that covered him, almost like those freaks that get there entire body tattooed, yeah them. While he was walking near a hospital his foot became stuck to the sidewalk due to gum left there by a common jerk, as he struggled with getting free, senile Betty Sue who was staying in the top floor of the hospital because she got clawed severely when trying to put her cat in the oven, decided it was a grand idea to randomly throw a bed pan out the window. The bed pan full of an unidentified liquid fell from the sky. Dave looked up from his stuck shoe and the bed pan hit him straight in the forehead and (Insert Scientific Reason Here) he suddenly gained an extremely powerful sense of smell, random moments of amnesia, and now he can fly… wait he can fly? That doesn't seem right, how does that relate to getting hit in the head? Oh well, giant plot holes are the writers problem not the narrator's. Anyway as things go Dave decided for some personal reason to fight crime with these powers and even gained a sidekick, a fifteen year old very nerdy, pail white, nine fingered boy with no super power whatsoever. We'll call him Johnny. Let's watch them now as they sit on the couch. Dave: Look at those pedals fly! Johnny: Oh, you are so going down! Dave: How are you gonna beat me at Pong? You don’t have half your fingers! Johnny: But I'm only missing one Dave: Either way, advantage: Dave. Narrator: Just then Dave suddenly forgot what was going on due to the amnesia I was describing earlier. Dave: Um, uh, what were we talking about, something about soup? Johnny: We were talking about… how you were gonna give me fifty dollars. Dave: Really? Hey, wait! You’re utilizing my amnestic condition in order to unjustly procure funds. Luckily, my wits were about me and I saw through your devious plot to deplete me of my currency. I have half the mind to throw you in a vat of boiling chocolate! Johnny: Oh, you keep saying that but I haven't seen it happen yet. (Phone rings.) Dave: Hello? Chief: Hey Dave, it's the chief of police again, I've got a crime that actually could use your pathetic super powers. Dave: Does it pay anything? Chief: Um… uh, okay, how about the next time you a steal an Atari cartridge from the video store, we won't bring you to jail. I mean you can get one on eBay for like two dollars. Dave: I know but I keep spending all my money on food items with the face of famous religious figures on them. Chief: Alright, alright, how about I give you… um… an X-Box 360 Narrator: And just then Dave's eyes started to water and a chorus of angels started doing that high pitched harmony you always hear, you know that thing that kind of sounds like the sound at the beginning of The Simpsons Theme? Sound. That's it. Dave: Alright, I'll do it. Narrator: Then Dave went over to the Atari console and chucked it out the window Johnny: What do you think you're doing! Dave: Dude, I’m on speaker phone. Didn’t you hear? 360? Chief: Only if you complete the mission! Dave: But, uh, work is stupid. ACT II: There’s a Bad Guy Man Named Badguyman and He Progresses the Plot Narrator: The chief told Dave the mission; word went around that a bad guy by the name of Badguyman was planning to destroy the planet by planting the vilest stink bombs ever devised all across the globe, because Dave could smell so well maybe he could find these bombs in a mission the government titled "Find The Frenchman's Armpit". Johnny: What are you smelling, Dave? Dave: {Sniffing.) Ah, the usual putrid odor of this town. (Phone rings.) We’re getting a lot of calls for this being an unlisted superheroy number. Hello? Badguyman: Hello, Dave. It's Badguyman; I hear you're trying to stop my evil doings. Well, quit it! Dave: No, I’m going to find you! Badguyman: Are not! Dave: Uh, are too. Badguyman: Are not! Dave: Are too! Badguyman: Are not to infinity! Dave: Are too to infinity, plus one! Badguyman: Oh, blast it all! I just wanted to destroy the world with no hassle for no apparent reason to anyone else but me, perhaps if someone just bothered to ask maybe they'd find out I had a bad childhood and all I really needed was to be loved… or something like that. Dave: Alright. I’m going to get you, Bad Guy Man! Badguyman: That's Mr. Badguyman to you, sir, and don't bother trying to find me cause I'm watching this show I've been wanting to see forever. Dave: Oh, what is it? Badguyman: What do you care? The point is: do not come to 305 East Potato Street and disturb me! Dave: Really? How did you get this number? Badguyman: That's for me and my friend at the phone company to know and for you to never find out! Dave: So, it was your friend at the phone company? Badguyman: What?! How did you know that? Oh! Dave: Come now, Johnny! On we go to 305 East Potato Street to catch that bad guy… man. Johnny: Let's just blatantly procrastinate and do a montage of us to a really bad song that has nothing to do with the show, though no one listening to this will understand what the montage is about because this is audio, not video. Dave: Alright. (Montage). Wow, that montage sure was random! My favorite part is when I fought the dragon and saved Europe. Anyway, let’s get that villainy guy. Act III: An Assortment of Other Dumb Things Happen and the Story Ends Unsatisfyingly Narrator: Now Dave and Johnny are at the house surprisingly knocking on the door very politely like. (Knocking noise.) Badguyman: Hello…. Dave! I told you not to interrupt me while I was watching Days of Our Li… I mean football…. Narrator: An insanely slender snow colored man stands in the doorway in pink pajamas Dave: You’re weird looking. Narrator: Just then Badguyman pulled out a jar with a very wet sock inside. Dave: What's that? Badguyman: This, Dave, is a normal cotton sock, drenched in eight gallons of Rosie O Donnell's horrible disgusting SWEAT. Dave: No, no, NO! Wait, how did you get the sweat? Narrator: Then Badguyman broke the jar on the ground and the stench went to Dave's nose, you see for a normal person this intense odor would merely make them vomit for several hours in disgust, but for a person with heightened smelling powers like Dave it is quite deadly. Dave: Help me Johnny! Johnny: Well, what do you want from me, man? I'm a sidekick; I'm just kind of here for teenage appeal, I never actually do anything significant. Dave: Oh right, I forgot… I'm dying! Narrator: Oh, this is ridiculous, I know I'm the narrator and I'm not supposed to interact with the characters but Dave you stupid, stupid idiot why don't you just fly away! Dave: Why didn’t I think of that… it is pretty obvious. (Flying away noise.) Narrator: Then Dave flew away into the sky; will he ever stop Badguyman? Can you believe this is going to end with another cliché radio cliffhanger ending? Find out on the next moderately exiting episode of The Misadventures of Dave! Attention: This show has been cancelled do to lack of interest, coming up next: Dancing with Bears! Script copyright 2009, Austin Aeschliman

about

Insane Ian's EP of comic book comedy

credits

released October 27, 2012

license

tags

about

Insane Ian Chicago, Illinois

Insane (adj): shocking, outrageous

"Insane Ian is a Comedy Rock God" - Dr Demento

“If you like video games and hiphop and you don't listen to Insane Ian...You're. Missing. Out.” - Mikey Mason (on The Funny Music Podcast)

"...the guy who's an even-geekier heir to the Weird Al throne..." - Jay Hathaway (URLesque)

Comedy music and Nerdcore Hiphop, as heard on TheFuMP.com and the Dr Demento Show.
... more

contact / help

Contact Insane Ian

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Report this album or account

Insane Ian recommends:

If you like Insane Ian, you may also like: