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Never Gonna Wear Pants Again

from Smarm​-​Proof Lobster Cabinet by Insane Ian

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about

Yes, I know there are plenty of songs about the benefits of a pantsless existence (one of which I participated in and even reference here) but this new song by P!nk was too good to not give the parody treatment to, despite some -- myself included -- feeling this may be more in the "dumb parody ideas" realm.

lyrics

If someone told me there was no more need for pants
It probably would be the only time you’d see me dance (yeah right)
You could have my trousers, take my britches, take my sweats
My pantaloons, my jeans, capris, and even better yet

‘Cause, oh, one thing I'm really hoping for
Is to never shop for slacks no more, and
Oh, Lord, please hear my whispered prayer tonight
I'll kick my legs high
With uncovered thighs
Won’t need to worry ‘bout waste size!

I'm never gonna wear pants again
I'm never gonna wear pants again
Oh, I just wanna feel the breeze on my nethers
Free up both of my legs
Never gonna wear pants again (oh)

P-P-P-P-P-Pants not gonna wear pants
P-P-P-P-P-Pants not wearin’ pants

I know this sounds just like a Boy Meets Robot song (Not Puttin’ On Pants)
Won’t need to tuck, (I’m) not Donald Duck, I’ll keep my undies on, yeah
If I could kill the thing constricting both my legs
I’d feel I’d won the lottery, so please don’t make me beg

The freedom that this pantslessness would bring (ooh wee ee oooh)
Is enough to crown me “Bare Leg King”, and
Oh no, don’t try to tell me this is wrong
I'll wear a sarong (I'll wear a sarong)
Or maybe a thong (or maybe a thong)
I’ll make sure I cover my dong

I'm never gonna wear pants again
I'm never gonna wear pants again
Oh, maybe I’ll wear kilts or fancy dresses
To hell with gender roles
Never gonna wear pants again (oh)

P-P-P-P-P-Pants not gonna wear pants
P-P-P-P-P-Pants not wearin’ pants
P-P-P-P-P-Pants not gonna wear pants
P-P-P-P-P-Pants

I'll kick my legs high
With uncovered thighs
C’mon now, just give it a try (why)
For women and men
Non-binary friends
We’ll never skip leg day again
I’ll never skip leg day again

I'm never gonna wear pants again
I'm never gonna wear pants again
Oh, you might wanna start to call me Vambre
From “Mighty Magiswords”
Never gonna wear pants again (hey, hey)

I'm never gonna wear pants again (never gonna wear pants again)
Pants again (but I’ll still cover up my rear end)
Pants again (never gonna wear pants again)
Pants again (but I’ll still cover up my rear end)
(Pants again) hey
Never gonna wear pants again
(Pants again)
(But I’ll still cover up my rear end) Cover it up
(Pants again) Never gonna wear pants again
(Pants again) (but I’ll still cover up my rear end) come on, come on
(I'm never gonna wear pants again)
(But I’ll still cover up my rear end) yeah, yeah
I'm never gonna wear pants again
But I’ll still cover up my rear end

…anyone else cold?

credits

from Smarm​-​Proof Lobster Cabinet, track released February 3, 2023
Never Gonna Wear Pants Again
Parody of "Never Gonna Not Dance Again” by Pink (Alecia Beth Moore / Johan Karl Schuster / Martin Max Sandberg)
New lyrics by Insane Ian
Vocals performed by Insane Ian
Music/backing vocals performed by Ben Stahl

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Insane Ian Chicago, Illinois

Insane (adj): shocking, outrageous

"Insane Ian is a Comedy Rock God" - Dr Demento

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Comedy music and Nerdcore Hiphop, as heard on TheFuMP.com and the Dr Demento Show. ... more

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