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Cooler Than Me

from Grand Theft Audio by Insane Ian

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about

As a nerd, it's easy to be categorized as...shall we say, "socially awkward". There are somethings we do, say, or wear that just don't fit in with the normal standards of "cool". That said, often times we may have the opportunity to meet someone even MORE awkward than ourselves.

The subject of this song is the former. If these allegations be true, then the narrator of this tune must be the most unhip and non-cool person on the planet. Which, at times, HAS been me. I mean, hell, I had a mullet*. In college. On purpose.

Parody of "Cooler Than Me" by Mike Posner.

lyrics

Cooler Than Me performed by Mike Posner
Written by Eric Richard Holljes and Mike Posner
New lyrics by Ian Bonds

If I could write you a song to make you understand
That I'm so sick of getting my face shoved in the sand
I used to think you'd relate to my sad beach fate.
but you probably don't you're so much cooler than me.

You know all the people at Office Depot
They know you by name cause you're cooler than me.
Your "Member's Only" Jacket caused quite a racket
at the trendy night club, you're so much cooler than me.

you got a unibrow across your face,
and you don't even care that it looks strange.
and you don't care who stops and stares
when your laugh make that much noise.

Shh.

I see you out at the con
walking around like a Klingon
behind your make up nobody knows who you even are
Who do you think that you are?

If I could peek in your room I could just surmise
How you found underroos that were made in your size
You have 18 pairs of ones with Care Bears
That you wear everyday, you're so much cooler than me.

you're a Dungeon Master approved by NASA
and you can be seen from space, you're so much cooler than me.
You speak native Na'vi, can you say "Envy"?
You know "I see you", you're so much cooler than me.

you you you kinda stutter, and trip when you walk,
and you don't even blush when you pass gas.
You wear tap shoes whenever you're out
and your steps make so much noise.

Shh.

I want to be cool as you,
but I can't get my hair to look like yours.
You've got a mullet, with business up front. And a party in back.
The party's always in back.

'Cause it sure seems
('Cause it sure seems)
Y'got it all figured out
(That you figured it out)
'Cause in your dreams
(In your dreams)
You rhinoplastey-ied your snout
(Snout)

If I could have one moment to just get you alone
I could steal a lock of hair and then make me a clone
You know I know the way to mesh our DNA
but it's a crime against man, you're so much cooler than me.

Your collection of fungus is so humongous
I wish mine was too, you're so much cooler than me.
You see where all the space went in your parents basement
You just moved down there, you're so much cooler than me.

©2011 Idolize W.A.Y. Recordings/Insane Ian. All Rights Reserved.

credits

from Grand Theft Audio, released November 30, 2012
Cooler Than Me performed by Mike Posner
Written by Eric Richard Holljes and Mike Posner
New lyrics by Ian Bonds
music performed by Ben Stahl
vocals by Insane Ian

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Insane Ian Chicago, Illinois

Insane (adj): shocking, outrageous

"Insane Ian is a Comedy Rock God" - Dr Demento

“If you like video games and hiphop and you don't listen to Insane Ian...You're. Missing. Out.” - Mikey Mason (on The Funny Music Podcast)

"...the guy who's an even-geekier heir to the Weird Al throne..." - Jay Hathaway (URLesque)

Comedy music and Nerdcore Hiphop, as heard on TheFuMP.com and the Dr Demento Show. ... more

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