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(If You're Wondering If I'm Stalking You) I'm Stalking You

from Grand Theft Audio by Insane Ian

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Jace McLain of Nuclear Bubble Wrap told me he was working on a parody of Weezer's "[If You're Wondering If I Want You To] I Want You To" about a stalker. It seems he thinks Weezer frontman Rivers Cuomo shouldn't be writing songs from the perspective of a teenager anymore, especially now that he's in his forties and had that groovy pedo-stache for a while. Jace wanted to write a song that took this creepy factor and multiplied it.

Personally, I didn't think it was creepy enough.

After NBW announced they were no longer doing parodies, I asked Jace if I could take a crack at the song, since his version would never be released, and the end result is here

lyrics

(If You’re Wondering If I’m Stalking You) I’m Stalking You
Parody of “(If You’re Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To” by Weezer
New lyrics by Ian Bonds and Jace McLain

The moon was shining on your house that night
My telescope was angled there just right
I watched and waited as you undressed and turned off all the lights
You turned on music and then started to dance
That's when I figured I have no need for pants
My night vision goggles set the tone for our late night dark romance
I study how you move and I'm admiring your style
You look outside your window and see I'm wearing just a smile
And I said…Girl, if you’re wondering if I’m watching you (I’m watching you)
I’m watching you (I’m watching you)
Please don’t be rude
Now there’s no need to hide

The rest of the summer went on in the same way
I watched you bathing, wishing I was your bidet
Restraining orders are kind of like suggestions anyway
We went to the movies, but well, I wasn't with you
I search your garbage to learn more about you
I asked John Hinkley for advice on what thing next I should do
You were in your garden and I fell out of your tree
I was sniffing you and the cops were right there behind me
And I said…Girl, if you’re wondering if I’m stalking you (I’m stalking you)
I’m stalking you (I’m stalking you)
I swear it’s true
When you move, I follow you
Oh girl, if you’re wondering if I’m stalking you (I’m stalking you)
I’m stalking you (I’m stalking you)
Please don’t be rude
Court orders I will fight

So, I'll stay
Inside your ba-asement
There I'll hide and wait for you
And then I'll make you pay

I'll keep you in a pit, wash your alabaster skin
You'll put the lotion on or else you'll get the hose again
And I'll say…Girl, if you’re wondering if I’m wearing you (I’m wearing you)
I’m wearing you (I’m wearing you)
I swear I'll use
These slippers, made from your pubes
Oh girl, if you’re wondering if I worship you (I worship you)
I worship you (I worship you)
I won't kill you
So please put down the knife

©2011 Idolize W.A.Y. Recordings/Ian Bonds. All Rights Reserved

credits

from Grand Theft Audio, released November 30, 2012
(If You’re Wondering If I’m Stalking You) I’m Stalking You
Parody of “(If You’re Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To” by Weezer
New lyrics by Ian Bonds and Jace McLain
Music performed by Ben Stahl

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Insane Ian Chicago, Illinois

Insane (adj): shocking, outrageous

"Insane Ian is a Comedy Rock God" - Dr Demento

“If you like video games and hiphop and you don't listen to Insane Ian...You're. Missing. Out.” - Mikey Mason (on The Funny Music Podcast)

"...the guy who's an even-geekier heir to the Weird Al throne..." - Jay Hathaway (URLesque)

Comedy music and Nerdcore Hiphop, as heard on TheFuMP.com and the Dr Demento Show. ... more

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