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I Bet I Can Eat More Waffles Than You

from Illinoise by Insane Ian

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about

A song done in the style of NSP (specifically from the era of the first two albums), using an altered version of one of their rejected song titles.

lyrics

[Spoken] Rise and shine, beautiful. I’ve got a big day planned...

Good morning gorgeous
Hope you enjoyed the coitus
That we shared in my bed, (Yeah!) All. Last. Night.
(You know it was awesome)

Get up and get dressed (because you’re so very naked)
So we can have some breakfast, ‘cause
Now it is time for you and me to go compete
And then we’ll eat all we can eat

I bet I can eat more waffles than you!
So that’s what I’m gonna do!
Waffles are the most perfect food!
And I’ve got a lot to prove!

This interlude
Seems to have you confused, baby
It’s real simple. Y’see WAFFLES RULE
(They’re better than pancakes)

Each little gap (they kinda look like my abs)
Is a butter and syrup trap, so
Clear your schedule and hide that hickey
Cause it’s time for you and me to get sticky

I bet I can eat more waffles than you!
So let the contest begin!
Waffles are my favorite food!
And there’s no way you’ll win!

Won't listen to pancake chatter
They're like waffles but they're flatter
And they both use the same batter
But to me that doesn't matter
Waffle carbs give staying power
Unlike last night I’ll last for hours
Eggs, and milk, sugar, flour
Builds a tasty Eiffel Tower
Add the syrup, melt the butter
Sticky-ness makes my heart flutter
Get your mind out of the gutter
[Spoken] Oh wait, you’ve started? Gotta catch up!

One waffle down!
Two waffles down!
Three...oh god, why’d they have to be Belgian?!

I bet I can (gah) waffles than you!
Just give me another shot!
I can’t believe I’ve only had two!
This is tougher than I thought!

[Spoken] OH GOD!

credits

from Illinoise, track released January 1, 2021
“I Bet I Can Eat More Waffles Than You”
Lyrics and vocals by Insane Ian
Music by Bonecage
Steez by Ninja Sex Party
Image by TheSmashToons (Dalton Brown), altered by Insane Ian

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Insane Ian Chicago, Illinois

Insane (adj): shocking, outrageous

"Insane Ian is a Comedy Rock God" - Dr Demento

“If you like video games and hiphop and you don't listen to Insane Ian...You're. Missing. Out.” - Mikey Mason (on The Funny Music Podcast)

"...the guy who's an even-geekier heir to the Weird Al throne..." - Jay Hathaway (URLesque)

Comedy music and Nerdcore Hiphop, as heard on TheFuMP.com and the Dr Demento Show. ... more

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