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Grand Theft Audio

by Insane Ian

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Bob-Omb 03:38
Princess Peach, out of reach That's just how you are, Life in the Mushroom Kingdom Shouldn't be this stinkin' hard Should have known you were gone in the first instant But you were in another castle Another castle? King Koppa grabbed you By Bowser you were caught The koopa troops I fought, I did But you were never there is all Toad ever said But what you don't understand is I’d catch a Bob-Omb for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Jump right under a Thwomp for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) I’d run in front of Chain Chomp for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah) All the Goombas I'd stomp for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh Every level starts to look the same, Bullet bill is headed straight to my brain, Yes, I would die for ya baby; This ain't some kind of game. No, no, no, no Black, black, black and blue, had only 1 life left Tellin' Bowser he's a louse as I throw fire at his chest Back home, all alone, Think I don't know what's up? You and lazy Princess Daisy playing "Two Girls, One Up" I brought you back home And you got captured again You got captured again, yes you did To stay in one damn place is all I ever asked Cause what you don't understand is I’d beat Donkey Kong for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Play a dumb round of golf for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Dance in Bowser's old thong for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah) You know I'd even play Pong for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh I would go through all these games, Hell I'd even play Mario Paint, I'd lose a life for ya baby; But you won't do the same You know I'm at your service, ooh But now I'm so upset it seems I found out that you're caught on purpose By him every, every, EVERY time baby... But darling I’ll still catch a Bob-Omb for ya Jump right under a Thwomp for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) I’d run in front of Chain Chomp for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah) All the Goombas I'd stomp for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh I would go through all this pain, Or send Luigi, hey it's all the same, Yes, I would die for ya baby; But you just think I'm lame. No you wouldn't do the same, Not even in your game Ooh, you’ll never do the same, No, no, no, no ©2011 Idolize W.A.Y. Recordings/Ian Bonds. All Rights Reserved.
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I Did Not Quite Fully Understand The Challenge This Week
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Cooler Than Me performed by Mike Posner Written by Eric Richard Holljes and Mike Posner New lyrics by Ian Bonds If I could write you a song to make you understand That I'm so sick of getting my face shoved in the sand I used to think you'd relate to my sad beach fate. but you probably don't you're so much cooler than me. You know all the people at Office Depot They know you by name cause you're cooler than me. Your "Member's Only" Jacket caused quite a racket at the trendy night club, you're so much cooler than me. you got a unibrow across your face, and you don't even care that it looks strange. and you don't care who stops and stares when your laugh make that much noise. Shh. I see you out at the con walking around like a Klingon behind your make up nobody knows who you even are Who do you think that you are? If I could peek in your room I could just surmise How you found underroos that were made in your size You have 18 pairs of ones with Care Bears That you wear everyday, you're so much cooler than me. you're a Dungeon Master approved by NASA and you can be seen from space, you're so much cooler than me. You speak native Na'vi, can you say "Envy"? You know "I see you", you're so much cooler than me. you you you kinda stutter, and trip when you walk, and you don't even blush when you pass gas. You wear tap shoes whenever you're out and your steps make so much noise. Shh. I want to be cool as you, but I can't get my hair to look like yours. You've got a mullet, with business up front. And a party in back. The party's always in back. 'Cause it sure seems ('Cause it sure seems) Y'got it all figured out (That you figured it out) 'Cause in your dreams (In your dreams) You rhinoplastey-ied your snout (Snout) If I could have one moment to just get you alone I could steal a lock of hair and then make me a clone You know I know the way to mesh our DNA but it's a crime against man, you're so much cooler than me. Your collection of fungus is so humongous I wish mine was too, you're so much cooler than me. You see where all the space went in your parents basement You just moved down there, you're so much cooler than me. ©2011 Idolize W.A.Y. Recordings/Insane Ian. All Rights Reserved.
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We celebrate your birthday Even if you don't Be glad you're getting older 'Cause when you're dead you won't! So happy happy birthday From everyone you know Now we will light the candles And birth - day - boy - you - blow!
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CosPlaying FanGurls by Insane Ian feat. the great Luke Ski Parody of "California Gurls" by Katy Perry feat. Snoop Dogg New lyrics by Ian Bonds. Rap by Luke Sienkowski Luke Dogg: Greetings Hot Girls, Dress like You're Nerdy. 1) I know a place Where a lot of things are nerdy Chicks in outfits That get me thinking thoughts so dirty Dressin' in corsets (Luke Dogg: Don't forget bustierres) They stayed up all night sewing costumes (SCHOOL NIGHT) (Luke Dogg: You got that Hot Glue Gun, Girl!) We Gawk as they Walk Jaws drop as they enter the ballroom (Quagmire: ALL RIGHT!) Their attention to detail They worked all week to impress other geeks Costumed heroes in chain mail I think I'm falling in love, Oh, oh oh, Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh! Chorus 1 Science Fiction Gurls, they are so popular Slave Leia, bikini in gold Dark Green Skin on all of the Orion Gurls! Oh, oh-oh, Oh, oh-oh-Orion! (Luke Dogg: 7 of 9? Pff...'nuff said!) Fantasy FanGurls, (Luke Dogg: Fangurls)they are so literal Pointy eared elves will raise my point Hermione's so hot, but not yet legal Oh, oh-no, No, oh-oh-oh-no! (Luke Dogg: I like that Steam Punk with Junk in the Trunk, girl!) 2) Pose for photos With Stormtroopers in Stilettos (Luke Dogg: Yeah) They freak out the geeks (Luke Dogg: You know it, baby!) Dressed as some obscure heroes (or villians) You could travel the world From Comic-Con to Con, they got it going on They are just every day girls Who love what I love! Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh! Chorus 2 Superhero Gurls, they are spectacular Super short skirt on Supergirl Makes me wanna watch as she flys away Up up up and away! Up up up and away! (Luke Dogg: Dressed like Sue Storm, You're looking Fantatsic! ...Wait, where'd you go?) Video Game Girls, they are so digital Lara Croft's Tomb is over-Raided (Luke Dogg: Yeah!) Chun Li's thunder thighs will win the Street Fight Hi, hi-ya, ya, Hi, hi-ya, hi-ya! [Luke's Rap Verse] Dragon*Con or San Diego, I'll go wherever they go. PAX East, West coast. These are the girls I love the most. Elastigirl makes my Pix-heart twirl. Save the cheerleader, save the world. (Roger Rabbit: Pblblbleeease!) that Jessica dame. Starbuck's the same, hot as the coffee with her name. There's Evie with Kaylee, and from BSG, 6 is a 10 to me. Dr. Girlfriend with her deep sexy voice shows Kim Possible how to get boys. Wonder Woman, tie me up! Costume contest, line 'em up! Cheetara, Inara, Zatanna, With Uhura, led by Queen Amidala, Leela, and Xena, (Xena yell: Haililililili!) Got the power like She-Ra. (Chris Waffle: Uh huh!) Judge Chris Waffle tells every cutie, Chris Waffle: C'mon fangirls, shake that booty! Chorus 3 CosPlaying Fangurls, they are incredible From comic books to anime Spandex is a privilege, it is not a right Oh, oh-oh, Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh CosPlaying FanGurls, they are so popular Guys fight for a picture with them Fin'ly found some girls that will talk to us! Oh, oh-oh, Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh Science Fiction...and Fantasy Gurls (Luke Dogg: You know I wish they could all be CosPlaying FanGurls...) Science Fiction...Double Feature Show. (Luke Dogg: Rose Tyler, Martha Jones, Donna Noble, Amy Pond...You can all be MY companions) (c) 2010 Idolize W.A.Y. Recordings/Insane Ian. All Rights Reserved
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Happy 01:44
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(If You’re Wondering If I’m Stalking You) I’m Stalking You Parody of “(If You’re Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To” by Weezer New lyrics by Ian Bonds and Jace McLain The moon was shining on your house that night My telescope was angled there just right I watched and waited as you undressed and turned off all the lights You turned on music and then started to dance That's when I figured I have no need for pants My night vision goggles set the tone for our late night dark romance I study how you move and I'm admiring your style You look outside your window and see I'm wearing just a smile And I said…Girl, if you’re wondering if I’m watching you (I’m watching you) I’m watching you (I’m watching you) Please don’t be rude Now there’s no need to hide The rest of the summer went on in the same way I watched you bathing, wishing I was your bidet Restraining orders are kind of like suggestions anyway We went to the movies, but well, I wasn't with you I search your garbage to learn more about you I asked John Hinkley for advice on what thing next I should do You were in your garden and I fell out of your tree I was sniffing you and the cops were right there behind me And I said…Girl, if you’re wondering if I’m stalking you (I’m stalking you) I’m stalking you (I’m stalking you) I swear it’s true When you move, I follow you Oh girl, if you’re wondering if I’m stalking you (I’m stalking you) I’m stalking you (I’m stalking you) Please don’t be rude Court orders I will fight So, I'll stay Inside your ba-asement There I'll hide and wait for you And then I'll make you pay I'll keep you in a pit, wash your alabaster skin You'll put the lotion on or else you'll get the hose again And I'll say…Girl, if you’re wondering if I’m wearing you (I’m wearing you) I’m wearing you (I’m wearing you) I swear I'll use These slippers, made from your pubes Oh girl, if you’re wondering if I worship you (I worship you) I worship you (I worship you) I won't kill you So please put down the knife ©2011 Idolize W.A.Y. Recordings/Ian Bonds. All Rights Reserved
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"It's Good To Be The King" A parody of "Down With The King" by Run DMC feat. Pete Rock and C.L. Smooth, about the movies and career of Mel Brooks Parody lyrics by the great Luke Ski © 2010 Luke Sienkowski Mademoiselle Rimbaud: Just spoil me! Humiliate me! Only do it! Do it! Hump! Hump! Hump! Jacques: *whistles* It's good to be the king! Opening Chorus: It's good to be the king! It's good to be the king! It's good to be the king! It's good to be the king! King Louis XVI: It's good to be the king! - It's good to be the king! - It's good to be the king! Rabbi Tuchman: It's good to be the king! Verse 1: (Luke Ski) [1961-1973: The 2000 Year Old Man, Get Smart, The Producers, The Twelve Chairs] Down with Mel Brooks, the king comedy hero stands, Ever since Reiner spoke to the 2000 Year Old Man. Start with Get Smart, causin' CHAOS so much grief. 86 is out of CONTROL. [Maxwell Smart: "Sorry about that, Chief".] Cuttin' much looser, Producers know how to really shock. Doom fills the room, Leo Bloom and Max Bialystock. 'Springtime For Hitler' should have made the people grous, But those hotsy totsy Nazis started bringing down the house. It's always hysterical, and wet, and in pain, Whether Zero and Wilder, or Broderick and Lane. Twelve Chairs, one with jewels, some men with no scruples, Getting drunk with 'two Russians, one rubel'. 1st Chorus: It's good to be the king! It's good to be the king! It's good to be the king! It's good to be the king! King Louis XVI: It's good to be the king! Leo Bloom: Blue blanket! Give me my blue blanket! AaAaAaHh! Taggart: What in the wide, wide, world of sports is-a goin' on here? Verse 2: (Devo Spice) [1974: Blazing Saddles, Young Frankenstein] Long long ago, in the old West, Bart wore a tin star on his chest. With the Waco Kid, finger on the trigger, But Rock Ridge flipped, because the sherrif is a (*bell clang*) 'Harrumph harrumph harrumph!' is what the governor said, he Told the bad guy Heddy Lamarr. [Hedley Lamarr: "That's Hedley!"] What Taggart and Mongo learned soon of course, Was never underestimate the power of the schwartz. Meanwhile in Transylvania, what an eyesore. Dr. Fronkensteen met Inga and I-gor. Pretty soon Fred reanimated the dead. His manner's informal, 'cause his brain's Abby Normal. The monster scared Kemp and the villagers to bits. But before too long, they were "Puttin On The Ritz". His bride was a looker who liked is schwanzstucker, And don't forget FRAU BLUCHER! (*horse whinny*) 2nd Chorus: It's good to be the king! It's good to be the king! It's good to be the king! It's good to be the king! King Louis XVI: It's good to be the king! Dr. Frederick Frankenstien: Sed-a-give?! Josephus: Aw, seize this, honkus! Court Spokesman: Remember, thou art mortal! Marcus Vindictus: Oh, blow it out your ass! Verse 3: (Insane Ian) [1975-1986: Silent Movie, High Anxiety, History of the World: Part I, To Be Or Not To Be] Mel's having some fun, big stars do his schtick. He'll make a film with no sound that's full of slapstick. He had some High Anxiety, a pooping bird flock. That psycho bell boy can suck his Hitchcock. [Brophy: "I got it!"] (*thud!*) Next he did a testament to History. (*break!*) He brought us some commandments that were once fifteen. [Moses: "Ten!"] Josephus danced his way into a big orgy, Until he flunked the eunuch test, and then he had to flee. The Spanish Inquisition you would never expect, All the singing they are bringing while they're wringing your neck. The dumb scum of France [Madame DeFarge: "Fronce"] on Bastille Day Is after Count De Money. [Count DeMoney: " Dee-Moe-Nay! Dee-Moe-Nay!"] Was a french piss boy mench without a drop of wealth. And in 'To Be Or Not To Be', he said, 'Heil myself'! [Col. Erhardt "Schultz!"] His Hamlet's a disgrace, but he's in Der Feuhrer's face, Put Hitler in his place, and up next is Jews In Space! 3rd Chorus: It's good to be the king! It's good to be the king! It's good to be the king! It's good to be the king! King Louis XVI: It's good to be the king! Comicus: When you die at the palace, you really die at the palace! Col. Sanders: Get me the videocassette of "Spaceballs: The Movie"! Verse 4: (Bud Sharpe) [1987-present: Spaceballs, Life Stinks, Robin Hood: Men In Tights, Dracula: Dead And Loving It, Broadway Musicals) Once upon a time warp, out in the stars, Druish princesses drove flying cars. Dark Helmet was a nerd in a big garbage can. Lone Starr's gotta Barf! [Sean Connery: "You're the dog now, man!"] Yogurt's merchandising's coming out of his big ears, So why are there no Spaceballs action figures? Lone Starr wed Vespa and beat that fake Sith dude. [Dark Helmet: "Aaah!"] Dot needs a tissue, May the Schwartz be with you. [Dinks: "Dink!"] If you think that Life Stinks, just like Blinkin' who blinks, Straight from Sherwood, it's Wesley- Robin Hood! Must pick the lock on the girl he's betrothing. Merry Men are loathing wearing women's clothing. Achoo is the new black sherrif, I reckon. Defeat Dracula who looks just like Frank Drebin. On Broadway, Mel keeps it gay, and someday his muse it will Hopefully lead to making 'Spaceballs: The Musical'! 4th Chorus: It's good to be the king! It's good to be the king! It's good to be the king! It's good to be the king! King Louis XVI: It's good to be the king! Yogurt: May the Schwartz be with yooooouuuu! Max Bialystock: When you've got it, flaunt it! Flaunt it! Buddy's Singers: Throw out your hands! Stick out your tush! Hands on your hips! Give them a push! You'll be surprised, you're doing the French Mistake! VOILA!! (*dancer trips up*) Director Buddy Bizarre: All right, CUT! WROOOONG! (*whop!) Okay, just watch me, it's so simple, you sissymearys! Gimmie the playback! And, watch, me,- Igor: Walk this way! Sheriff of Rottingham: Walk this way! Igor: Walk this way! Miriam: Walk this way! Luke Ski: She told me to- Igor: Walk this way! Sheriff of Rottingham: Walk this way! Igor: Walk this way! Miriam: Walk this way!
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“The Legend of PRB” by Ian Bonds They say Rob Balder is a mighty man Standin’ 5 foot 10 with a pen in his hand But he’d never hurt a flea, or a spider. But to this author of “Partially Clips” Somethin’ happens when alcohol touches his lips And he becomes so much more than a web comic writer Chorus: Party Rob, Party Rob The Most Loaded Gun in the West Party Rob, Party Rob Ahhh, ahh, Party Rob When I first met him at Balticon He didn’t have those fuzzy ears on And he just seemed so…unassuming Someone said “room party”, next thing I know His eyes lit up and his smile did glow And he revealed a love that one could call "consuming." Chorus: Party Rob, Party Rob He’ll take six Jello Shots to the chest Party Rob, Party Rob Ahhh, ahhh, Party Rob When I finally met Party Rob, y’see It was just outside of the Twin Cities After a long 30 hour bus ride He appeared with a flourish and said with a wink “Ladies, tighten those corsets, it’s time to drink!” And he had a whip cream can by his side. Chorus: Party Rob, Party Rob He’ll shoot that cheese whiz off your breast Party Rob, Party Rob Ahhh, ahhh, Party Rob Bridge (Spoken): They say that ol’ Party Rob moved from con to con, room party to room party. In each one, he’d invent a new drink. From Candy Corn Shots to the Santa's Beard, from the Apple iDrunk to something called a Pie Fight, you’d know he was there by the drunken warbling of JoCo songs and intermittent sounds of aerosol food being dispensed onto bare female flesh. His gang, Captain Morgan, Jack Daniels, and Jose Cuervo ruled the con scene…and were gone by the next night. Well Party Rob just couldn’t be stopped And by the time they called for the cops There wasn’t a full glass in the place And by the next morning at the end of the con Rob Balder was back and Party Rob was gone But he wore the evening’s events on his face Party Rob, Party Rob He was hung over by that tree Party Rob, Party Rob Ahhh, ahhhh Party Rob Spoken: Ian: Rob? You're staggering... Rob: Well, I realize I'm attractive, but I've rarely been called Staggering... (c) 2009 Idolize W.A.Y. Recordings/Ian Bonds. All Rights Reserved
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[Verse 1] In my neighborhood Traffic's heavy And I think I could Dodge this Chevy When I cross the street, gotta move my feet Or I am dead meat So I just think back To the arcade My plan of attack The game I played My soul I will bare, my secret I'll share To cross over there So I hop like this [Chorus] Tell me what game's inspiration Could fit in this situation You want the moves like Frogger I've got the moves like Frogger I've got the mooooooves... like Frogger Why'd the chicken cross the road, did he know something I don't know With them the moves like Frogger I've got the moves like Frogger I've got the mooooooves... like Frogger [Verse 2] Well, Maybe it's lame Stop complaining I'm using this game For my training To zig zag through trucks, I'm trying my luck I don't give a...crap I jump on a log Or a turtle I act like a frog jump this hurdle I ran for a mile, I'm hopping with style Over crocodiles And I hop like this [Chorus] Meet me by the freeway I'll teach ya How to avoid Being street pizza You want the moves like Frogger I've got the moves like Frogger I've got the mooooooves... like Frogger Go ahead and tell your mommy At what I learned from Konami With them the moves like Frogger I've got the moves like Frogger I've got the mooooooves... like Frogger [Bridge - The Stacey] You wanna know how to play the game Take it slow, or else you might get maimed Just avoid the traffic Or it might get graphic And that would end up tragic So watch and learn I won't show you twice Up and down, ooh baby, left and right And if you move much faster You're gonna be a master You won't need a pastor [Insane Ian] And it goes like this [Chorus] Tell all the kids in The school yard that I'm the greatest Crossing guard, yeah You want the moves like Frogger I've got the moves like Frogger I've got the mooooooves... like Frogger Why'd the chicken cross the road, did he use the Konami Code? With them the moves like Frogger I've got the moves like Frogger I've got the mooooooves... like Frogger
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Time Slips/It starts with an eclipse Nathan flies just like a plane And Sylar wants to see your brains I have a new show/really love this new show Haven't seen? You gotta see/Monday nights on NBC It's all I watch now on TV/Stop Time and Space 'cause Hiro is the Hero/just like a walking TiVO His daddy is Sulu/working with an evil crew/in a company for hire at a paper mill Niki's split persona/has the stones and the cojones to break your neck Peter, Peter, power eater/sees a power, then repeats her Like his brother's flight/flying then Uh oh/this hero/can't be hurt/look out below Lovely Claire's/without a care/'cept herself Painting of exploding man gotta stop him if we can Daddy is the baddie with the horn rimmed specs, right? Issac's stoned/Loves Simone/Feeling pretty psychic Chorus: And they're saving the world as we know it Yes they're saving the world, so heroic yes they're saving the world as we know it Mondays at Nine. Nine o'clock/TV hour/don't tell me about Jack Bauer Micah's cool/he's no fool/fixes laptops after school Cheerleader uniform/toe cutting/no hiding Now the plot is escalating/while a train's incinerating Claire's a savior/caught on camera Parkman/Cop-man Hear's your thoughts/think think Uh oh/now Hiro/is in the past/like a flash/Charlie's such a helpless lass A candidate/A candidate/A candidate who flies Linderman's solution/there's no absolution for the world Chorus The other night i dreamt that I/could heal the world and then I fly Away from the blast in the sky LINDERMAN DIED Dl can phase and Jess is hot/They're all things Surresh is not What happened to Nathan when Pete goes boom? There's a hiccup/it'll pickup after writer's strike, right? Right. Chorus Save the cheerleader, Save the world. (c) 2008 Idolize W.A.Y. Recordings/Ian Bonds. All rights reserved.
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The Super Epic Video Game Medley II: Championship Edition "Sonic The Hedgehog" Parody of "Rock You Like a Hurricane" by Scorpions (Schenker, R; Meine, K; Rarebell, H) New lyrics by Ian Bonds It's early morning The Sun comes out The ground starts shaking It's pretty loud The woodland creatures All try to flee but Eggman's not as fast as me! He grabs them all as I grab rings then I destroy his evil things I jump on the plunger Creatures are freed I can not stay 'Cause I'm on speed Here I run, Sonic the Hedgehog Watch me run, I'm Sonic the Hedgehog! "Love Mr. Do!" Parody of "Love Me Do" by the Beatles (McCartney, P; Lennon, J) New lyrics by Ian Bonds (I) Love Mr. Do! He's A Clown, It's True! He Throws Balls At You! So play-ay-ay-ay Mr. Do! oh oh, Mr. Do! "Grand Theft Auto" Parody of "Band on the Run" by Wings (Mccartney, Linda; Mccartney, Paul) New lyrics by Ian Bonds Well, my car exploded with a mighty crash I did it just for show and I said to her, taking another one "I need your cash, you ho!" Grand Theft Auto Grand Theft Auto And Liberty and Vice City Are the places that we go In our Grand Theft Auto In our Grand Theft Auto Grand Theft Auto Grand Theft Auto "Gary's Mod" Parody of "Stacy's Mom" by Fountains of Wayne (Collingwood, Chris; Schlesinger, Adam) New lyrics by Ian Bonds (based on a fan-made modification of the video game Half Life 2) Gary's Mod has got it going on It's all I need and I've been playing for so long Gary can't you see You have got the mod for me I know that modding's wrong but I'm in love with Gary's Mod "Frogger Cross the Street" Parody of "Danicng in the Street" as performed by Mick Jagger and David Bowie (Hunter, Ivy; Stevenson, William; Gaye, Marvin) New lyrics by Ian Bonds Crawling out across the swamp And those flies are looking extra sweet But the cars are fast and now it's time to Help Frogger cross the streets All we need is swampland, sweet swampland But there's carnage everywhere Cars are swerveing, swaying, chicken I'm playing, Will Frogger cross the street? Oh, It doesn't matter where you land, just give that poor frog a hand So come on, every one, it's not hard To be the froggy crossing guard We'll help Frogger, Frogger Cross the Street "Pikachu" Parody of "Forget You" by Cee-lo Green (Cee Lo Green, Bruno Mars, Philip Lawrence, Ari Levine, Brody Brown) New lyrics by Ian Bonds Suggested by Mike Stettz I see you fightin' 'round town with your pokemon but it's not Pikachu And the name that I call when i throw pokeballs is always Pikachu, baby i choose you I said I would choose Meowth but he won't shut his mouth huh, ain't that some shh (ain't that some shh) I've overcome this hurdle by defeating Squirtle with Pikachu! "Playin' Halo" Parody of "Ridin' Solo" by Jason Derulo (Desrouleaux, Jason Joel; Rotem, Jonathan; Thomas, Xavier) New lyrics by Ian Bonds Suggested by Mike Cisneros I'm duel wielding with both of my guns, They're all out for blood, gotta stop the Flood It's Halo, I'm playin' Halo I'm playin' Halo, I'm playin' Halo, Halo Cortana won't stop with the grief I'm beyond belief cause I'm Master Chief It's Halo, I'm playin' Halo I'm playin' Halo, I'm playin' Halo, Halo "Young Street Fighter" Parody of "Kung Fu Fighting" by Carl Douglas (Carl Douglas and Vivian Hawke) New lyrics by Ian Bonds It was a fighting tournament in every funky town They were punching them up They were knocking them down It's a simple flick of wrist combos too much to list a silence filled the room As I unleashed a Sonic Boom But I was just a young Street Fighter Hadoken made the screen brighter Zangief began to perspire Chun Li could kick much higher "Angry Birds" Parody of "Firework" by Katy Perry (Mikkel S. Eriksen, Tor Erik Hermansen, Sandy Wilhelm, Ester Dean) New lyrics by Ian Bonds And now I'm playing Angry Birds I'll beat up those piggy hurds The bacon starts to fly-iy-iy As they shoot across the sky-iy-iy! "Playin' Some Mario Kart" Parody of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler (Jim Steinman) New lyrics by Ian Bonds and Luke Sienkowski (Turn Around) Grab your steering wheel and turn around and hit the gas so you won't fall off the rainbow road (Turn Around) Grab your steering wheel and turn around and hit the gas so you'll escape banana peels from Toad! (Turn around, Shy Guy) Every now and then I grab a block (Turn around, Shy Guy) Every now and then I get a shock! Which will turn me small, oh my Then get flattened by my brother That Luigi think he is so sly But Bob-ombs, I've got another! I never hit the brake button, I always excell And thanks to Wario I've really been through Shell Oh here we go, out of sight! The mushroom cup will start tonite That Gold trophy is mine (alright) Once upon a time, over barrels I jumped But now I'm racing so press start Nothing I can do, I'm playing some Mario Kart! (Turn Around Shy Guy) (Turn Around Shy Guy!) (c) 2011 Idolize W.A.Y. Recordings/Ian Bonds. All rights reserved.
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“Umbrella Chronicles” parody of “Umbrella” by Rihanna, as performed by Marie Digby New Lyrics by I. Bonds I nearly screamed When we first got on the scene It's like a bad dream What happened to the Bravo team? Baby cause in the dark There’s no sign of the other S.T.A.R.S. This simply cannot be My friends are all zombies Because When the dead rise, they rise together Told you we’re never dead forever They just want to eat your brains This Umbrella has nothin’ to do with rain Now that they’re dead it’s such a pity What will happen to Raccoon City We can put a stop to this Umbrella We can overthrow this Umbrella (Ella ella eh) Overthrow Umbrella (Ella ella eh) Overthrow Umbrella (Ella ella eh) Overthrow Umbrella (Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh) These walking dead Take a shotgun to the head That really brings them down If there’s more ammo around Who knows what you will see When you mix red herbs with green Oh please take my hand There’s no Alice in this Wonderland Because When the stuff shines, it means we need it Got that weird puzzle completed Found this trinket over there Who would know it uncovered a set of stairs? Now my key’s got the crest of a king I’m the Master of Unlocking We can put a stop to this Umbrella We can overthrow this Umbrella (Ella ella eh) Overthrow Umbrella (Ella ella eh) Overthrow Umbrella (Ella ella eh) There's A Lab down in the celler (Ella ella eh eh eh) Read something in someone’s files Handwriting just like a child “Itchy, Tasty” So go on and let the rain pour I just need to find the cure Because When Wesker returns I’ll kill him Can’t believe he is the villain There’s some red in his left iris Must be the effects of the T-Virus Now that the mansion is exploding His stock options aren’t worth holding You can buy stock in Umbrella But don’t buy stock in Umbrella (Ella ella eh) Stock in Umbrella (Ella ella eh) Don’t buy, Just Quick Sell-a (Ella ella eh) There's a lab down in the cell-ah (Ella ella eh eh eh eh) It's evil Ooh baby it's evil Residentially “Itchy, Tasty” It's evil Oh baby, it’s evil Residentially "Itchy, Tasty" Ella ella eh (c) 2011 Idolize W.A.Y. Recordings & Insane Ian
19.
“We’re All Gonna Die” by Ian Bonds, Kiki Canon, Tom Rockwell & Mark Schaffer Music by Ian Bonds & Benjamin Stahl Nerd: (Spoken): Hello? Is there anyone in here? It’s so dark...Sara? Steven? Where’d you guys go? Maybe down this dimly lit pathway to the basement. Are you guys messing around? Why is the floor so sticky? Sara & Steven: (scream) Nerd (Spoken): Oh man, not again! Verse 1 - Insane Ian - Nerd/Virgin Holy crap, you guys! Are you all ok? Who’da thought this field trip would turn out this way? When we left today for this factor-ay I never thought this’d be our final resting place You know we were so surprised when we found This place was built on ancient burial ground But the teachers didn’t really seem to fear When couples from our group began to disappear First Greg and Peg both vanished together Then Alfred was gone, quickly followed by Heather I just heard Sara and Steven starting to shout They had just run off to go make out I’m only still alive ‘cause I’m still a virgin The killer chopped ‘em up like he’s some kind of surgeon And stacked their body parts way up on a shelf Oops, I think I just soiled myself. Chorus - Kiki - Hot Vapid Chick Oh my God, We’re All Gonna Die Oh my God, We’re All Gonna Die sliced and diced by some psychopathic guy And I think that I’m going to cry So look out, a killer’s on the loose What’s he want, can we call a truce? My guy was hung, but now it’s from a noose I don’t think I can live through this abuse Verse 2 - Devo Spice - Jock/Hero Everybody let’s all calm down Everything is gonna be alright, but right now We need a leader and it oughtta be me ‘cause after all I’m the captain of the football team, I outrank you all So what’s the situation? Emily’s dead? A psychopath took a weed whacker to her head? We’re trapped inside a house and there’s a killer comin’ at us? Hang on, let me post that on my Facebook status We need to find weapons, everybody look around If we split up into teams then we can cover more ground You two go upstairs, if you need me send a text I’ll be here with the hot cheerleader having sex Insert obligatory nude scene here That was great, nice rack, hey you got any beer? Yeah you go freshen up, I’ll be here when you get back Hey what was that? *stab* Schaffer: “Haha! Now you’re even better in the sack!” Chorus 2 - Kiki Oh my God, we’re all gonna die Oh my God, we’re all gonna die He turned Eddie and Myra into pies and cut the shortest kid in class down to size What did we do to deserve dismembered friends Tell us now maybe we can make amends Is there anyone willing to defend This cute chick before she meets a gruesome end Bridge - Kiki Wait a minute here aren’t you that nerd You want to take on the killer? Absurd! I must admit a hunky hero’s preferred But it’s really sexy that you won’t be deterred Your crush on me I’ve always taunted and spurned But your bravery has my thoughts on you turned I could change my feelings where you’re concerned Holy crap! Look out! The killer’s finally returned Verse 3 - Schaffer the Darklord - The Killer/Former Class-mate In a last act-slash-fast visceral scene A cold chill and scream reveal the killer as me A chainsaw in one hand, machete in the other In a mask and coveralls, all bloodily covered In the guts of your friends, you’re realizing it then That historically, the last meets the goriest end I get your neck in my grasp as you grab at my mask And at last pull it away from my face as you gasp *Ian: “It’s you!” Yeah, it’s me, and it was all along Your creepy outcast classmate never invited along To join in the fun of this field trip or any other So I got revenge and built a shrine to my mother And now you’re gonna die too like all the rest Could stick an axe in your face or punch a hole through your chest Or chop you in half, watching every drop of you drain You’ve got the body, I’ve got the brain Last Chorus - Kiki Oh my God, we’re all gonna die Oh my God, we’re all gonna die Nerdy boy, if you save me from this guy Maybe I’ll let you in between my thighs Please tell me you thought to bring a gun Or you know an escape route we can run You say, weapons, you’ve got not a one I think this time we surely must be done Final verse - Insane Ian The game’s at an end, it looks like we’re screwed To get chopped up by some mask wearing dude But I look to the chick, my hope’s been renewed I’m not gonna die before I’ve touched a boob! You’ve got me by the neck, everything’s going black I reach in my back pack for something to attack I rummage around, at your face i will claw Til I find the missing Gypsy's voodoo doll I speak the magic words that the old woman taught me And never again will you come back to haunt me I banish your soul, I send you to hell And for extra measure, I kick you as well It looks like I’ve won! I’m the hero, revered! No one seems to see the killer’s body disappeared. And I got the girl! To me there is no equal! Schaffer: That’s ok, kid, I’ll just kill you in the sequel!
20.
21.
When the World Ends Lyrics by Ian Bonds Music by Ben Stahl and Ian Bonds I've been trying to think what I'm gonna do When the world will end Maybe I should try doing all the stuff That I'll never do again I'll take all my money from the bank and buy every kitten from the store then I'll put 'em all in little tanks and make 'em fight a little war! Run through the streets nude! That's what i wanna do! No time time to be a prude When the world ends When the world ends! Since this is our last year on Earth We should go all out Take the folks who really bother you And punch them in the mouth Buy a giraffe from the zoo And ride him everyday to work! Or maybe ask Motley Crue to write a song for Captain Kirk! Shave dirty words in your hair Spend every day as Cher Act like you just don't care When the world ends When the world ends! Get together with all your friends at a countdown party on December 21st We may only get one "Hobbit" movie but at least we'll have seen "The Avengers"! I can finally tell my boss exactly what I think of him Take a dump right on his desk while drinking chocolate milk and gin Use the corporate limousine To drive the Las Vegas strip Then recreate every scene from "The Hangover" with midgets It is all up to you Do the things that you want to No consequences and no rules When the world ends If you decide to go this route I really hope it all works out And that the Mayans were right about When the world ends When the world ends!
22.
Yellow Snow 04:22
"Yellow Snow" Parody of "Purple Rain" by Prince New lyrics by Ian Bonds I never wanted to have your "special" desert It was too cold out side, I'd moan. But I took it from you, and you were laughing as I bit into that frozen lemonade snow cone Yellow Snow, Yellow Snow Yellow Snow, Yellow Snow Yellow Snow, Yellow Snow I only ever saw it when I was spelling my name You always liked to be a...simple joker Your itching powder requires cream, hey Baby, I should have known this joke wasn't mediocre I could tell it was fresh from the steam Yellow Snow, Yellow Snow Yellow Snow, Yellow Snow Yellow Snow, Yellow Snow At least I didn't take your offer of that fudgesicle Honey, I know, I know, I know that you're jealous Guys can do certain things, it's true, that means me too You say you want to learn, but you might be at a disadvantage Well I'll teach you how, you can spell out your name, but you'll need a stencil first Yellow Snow, Yellow Snow Yellow Snow, Yellow Snow If you know what I'm singin' about up here, come on raise your hand Yellow Snow, Yellow Snow Only wanna teach you, only wanna teach you to write in the snow. P.U.! (repeat & fade out) (c) 2010 Idolize W.A.Y. Recordings/Insane Ian. All rights reserved.

about

"Grand Theft Audio" is a b-sides/rarities collection of FuMP tracks, Song Fu entries and other oddities of Insane Ian's that never wound up on an album proper. As such, the quality of some of the recordings and production fluctuates, but there's a wide variety of different material here.

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released November 30, 2012

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Insane Ian Chicago, Illinois

Insane (adj): shocking, outrageous

"Insane Ian is a Comedy Rock God" - Dr Demento

“If you like video games and hiphop and you don't listen to Insane Ian...You're. Missing. Out.” - Mikey Mason (on The Funny Music Podcast)

"...the guy who's an even-geekier heir to the Weird Al throne..." - Jay Hathaway (URLesque)

Comedy music and Nerdcore Hiphop, as heard on TheFuMP.com and the Dr Demento Show.
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